#2 (permalink) Wed Jul 12, 2006 8:12 am TOEFL essay sample: If you were asked to send one thing... |
|
|
Hi quing,
I have made some suggestions in CAPITAL letters:
| Quote: |
My country is China which has a long history and many splendied /SPLENDID inventions. Among
these, Chinese medicine should be the first one to be displayed on the international exhibition. It has been knowN for its amazing treatment in
some cases. I will explain why I choose this east meadicine/MEDICINE to/FOR the international exhibition as
following/FOLLOWS.
The first reason is that Chinese medicine brings us unbelievable treatments. It has
been the only one methods/METHOD to cure sick people for thousands of years in China.
It useS herbal plants acupuncture and massage to treat diseases,
seemed/IT SEEMS too simple and outdateD in our eyes, but it is still one important way to
provide patients WITH positive treatment, especially for those who is cured with hopelessness by
west medicine/THOSE WHO ARE UNSUCCESSFULLY TREATED BY WESTERN MEDICINE. In fact, a good example of this is that Hairuo, a famous female
host of Phoenix Broadcast in Hong Kong, cured by Chinese medicine. After she got/HAD AN
accident in British sevreral/IN BRITAIN SEVERAL years ago, she was sentenced/PRONOUNCED TO BE BRAIN DEAD to be dead-brain
by A WestERN doctor. But her family wanted to keep her, then they invited A Chinese medicine
doctor to check her situation and got hope from these doctors. Now she is
recovering, and she is learning speaking, walking, talking. In this sense, Chiese/CHINESE
medicine is really amazing and unbelievable medicine.
The second reason I want it to be IN the international exhibitION is that I hope it can
get more attraction/ATTENTION and more research in future. Nowadays, Chinese medicine is
shrinking in China due to its effects. CompareD to West WESTERN medicine, Chinese medicine
takes a longer time and HAS more complicated processes to deal with diseases. But
in our modern world, people like everything efficient and convenient. Also, I
want it to be known by more doctors and patients. Because it may give them hope,
and it is worth to try/WORTH TRYING. If it disappears someday, I think it is a huge lost/LOSS for our Chinese people and our world. We
don't know how many treasures we can uncover in it. It might have killed viruses in future, which
we can't beat by using westERN medicine, if it got enough research by advanced
technology.
For these reasons I mentioned above, I strongly recommend that Chinese medicine
should be sent to the international display. What could be more important than
curing patientS and saving lives in THE world, and clearly nothing else can be more
significant than this. To be more effective and improved, Chinese medicine should
be kept and researched by advanced science. |
Alan _________________ English as a Second Language You can read my ESL story Present Simple |
|
Alan Co-founder

Joined: 27 Sep 2003 Posts: 13891 Location: UK
|