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Please check my essay please! It's extremely important to me!Thank you!



 
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please have me revise my toelf writing. thank so much!! | Luschen, you seem so busy but please correct for me this essay :) thanks you
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Please check my essay plz! It's extremely important to me!Thank you! #1 (permalink) Sat Jul 14, 2012 15:02 pm   Please check my essay please! It's extremely important to me!Thank you!
 

Topic:

It is generally agreed that the amount of rubbish created by humans today is a worldwide problem. What do you think are the main causes of this situation? What measures can be used to tackle the problem?


Nowadays the amount of rubbish made by people dramatically increases in the whole world. This serious problem can be directly related to overpopulation and industrialization. Fortunately there are some feasible methods to reduce this trend.

Firstly, the rise of world population is one of the biggest causes of increasing trend in trash, when people have to consume more goods, so more rubbish is dismissed to the environment. A good example of this is India, where the population is the second biggest on the planet. As a result, we can easily find a large number of street with full of rubbish in this country. Another cause of this undersirable trend is industrialization because thousands of factories are yearly built. This leads to the trash amount being poured into water and doubling or even more each year.

The obvious answer is to recycle and reuse rubbish to decrease the amount of trash dismissed into the environment. For instance, instead of throwing all of cans into the water, people are able to keep them in order to reuse or recycle to make other new products. Therefore, it not only reduces the rubbish amount, but also increases the materials for manufacturing.

Another good approach of this is to limit consuming the goods which cannot disintegrate themselves. For example, plastic bags are now being used popularly, but people cannot eliminate them out of the Earth by anyway. As a result, the number of plastic bags will grow more and more day by day and it will be harmfull for our environment.

To conclude, it is not an easy task to reduce the garbage amount in the world. However, people need to recycle or reuse the rubbish and reduce using goods which does not disintegrate themselves. If humans can follow these efficient ways, our lives will definitely be fresher and healthier.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Natural History
Edward_Rolandohmygod
You can meet me at english-test.net


Joined: 28 Oct 2011
Posts: 54

Re: Please check my essay please! It's extremely important to me!Thank you! #2 (permalink) Mon Jul 16, 2012 4:21 am   Re: Please check my essay please! It's extremely important to me!Thank you!
 

Hi, I think your essay was pretty good. It had a very clear structure and answered the prompt very directly. You had some good arguments and examples. Your vocabulary is ok, but you have misused some words. You also have some grammatical errors, but your main problem is your awkward sounding and unclear phrases. Still, I think this would score a band 6.

Edward_Rolandohmygod wrote:
Topic:

It is generally agreed that the amount of rubbish created by humans today is a worldwide problem. What do you think are the main causes of this situation? What measures can be used to tackle the problem?


Nowadays the amount of rubbish made by people [is] dramatically increas[ing throughout] in the whole world. This serious problem can be directly related to overpopulation and industrialization. Fortunately there are some feasible methods to reduce this trend.

Firstly, the rise of world population is one of the biggest causes of [the] increasing trend in trash, when people have to consume more goods, so more rubbish is dismissed {"dismissed" sounds odd here} to the environment. A good example of this is India, where the population is the second biggest on the planet. As a result, we can easily find a large number of street[s ] with {this is ok, but I would add "that are" here} full of rubbish in this country. Another cause of this undersirable{sp} trend is industrialization because thousands of factories are yearly built [yearly]. This leads to the [amount of] trash amount being poured into water and {and what? "discharged into the atmosphere" maybe?} doubling or even more {"or even more" sounds a bit wrong here} each year.

The obvious answer is to recycle and reuse rubbish{"recycling rubbish" sounds odd, because rubbish by definition is discarded material that has not been chosen to recycle} to decrease the amount of trash dismissed ["discharged" or "discarded"] into the environment. For instance, instead of throwing all of [the] cans into the water, people are able to {"are able to" sounds odd here - I would say "should be encouraged to"} keep them in order to reuse or recycle to make other new products. Therefore, it not only reduces the [amount of] rubbish amount, but also increases the materials for manufacturing.

Another good approach of [to] this is to limit consuming[the consumption of] the goods which cannot disintegrate [in the environment] themselves. For example, plastic bags are now being used popularly{"used popularly" is incorrect}, but people cannot eliminate them out of the Earth by anyway.{this phrase is very unclear} As a result, the number of plastic bags will grow more and more day by day and it will be harmfull {sp} for our environment. {why are they harmful? - maybe explain}

To conclude, it is not an easy task to reduce the [amount of] garbage amount in the world. However, people need to recycle or reuse the rubbish and reduce [their use of] using goods which does not disintegrate themselves.{"which are not biodegradable"} If humans can follow these efficient ways, our lives will definitely be fresher{"fresher" sounds very odd here} and healthier.

TOEFL listening lectures: [url=*english-test.net/toefl/listening/A_university_lecture_by_a_professor_of_Natural_History.html]A university lecture by a professor of Natural History[/url]
Luschen
I'm a Communicator ;-)


Joined: 08 Apr 2011
Posts: 6887
Location: Nashville TN, USA

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