Sat Jul 29, 2006 14:58 pm TOEFL essay sample: Sun Rain |
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Hi,
Suggestions are in CAPITALS:
| Quote: | That afternoon was pretty nice. When the light summer wind stirred amidst the trees of THE garden , there came through the open door the gentle scent of the grapevines. All appeared to be calm except that doggie barking outside . Looking over THE balcony I saw that little boy , he was playing with his pet. What a happy couple !
I was still reading my Encyclopedia, it was the very dessert (NEEDS EXPLAINING)for this moment. You won’t spend much time on it , but you would benefit a lot , because from these books you can learn many /A LOT OF knowledge about our universe . I like to read those simple but clear words, scientific and reasonable. What’s more, colorful pictures attract many eyes, too. And the most important THING is , that everyone could read it not only kids but (the ) adultS,TOO
I was enjoying my book, A gentle breeze coming with a sense/SMELL? of earth . I looked out for a while, the harsh sunlight seemed to roll everywhere . Shadows of trees swaying to and fro , reflecting on the walls…… All came out of a sudden/EVERYTHING ENDED SUDDENLY, when the boy was screaming with his young but tender voices/VOICE there was coming a burst of rain like falling beans. “Raining, Raining” ,I bounced/JUMPED from my seat immediately and ran to the windows, the ground was wet a bit , that just happened in two minutes . What a day! If there would be/HAD BEEN any weather messages/NEWS/WARNINGS I would have noticed them earlier. I can’t help looking over the sky, in the east there was a block of clouds, light gray and strolling with a restful pace.. They took half of the sky and seemed to fall down to the ground. But in the southwest the sun was shining as usual, in this moment it appeared to more colorful and bright. When those bunches of golden sunlight were cast down through heavy clouds their reflections on the wall turned to be more brilliant. On the ground that little pet was still barking , but ran around more happily. With the rhythm of rain becoming strongly/STRONGER trees and those thick grapevines became lively. They were dancing in the sun rain……
It was a raining season /THE RAINY SEASON, but still hard to see sun rain. I tried to find something about it in my book. They came in a very short time and left soon, about five minutes or less. Just like the baby face, crying but smiling together. Finally I stood by windows again, opposite the buildings there was a piece of water painting , which seemed to be given a huge brush by someone , gray and wet, but on the other side white and gold. What a joke! When I planned to enter into room , the rain stopped . I turned back , the sun was giggling outside. |
A good imaginative story
Alan _________________ English as a Second Language You can read my ESL story A day in the life of a parliamentary candidate |
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Alan Co-founder

Joined: 27 Sep 2003 Posts: 6929 Location: UK
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