TOEFL® essay: Which place would you prefer to live in?

[Jack_Sparrow91]

Some people prefer to live in a small town.
Others prefer to live in a big city.
Which place would you prefer to live in?

Dear Moderator, can you help me to see the way to do this? And it's very kind of you if you can let me know some websites to look for the information for the toefl essays such as figures, etc.

[Alan]

Hi,

I wouldn't worry about statistics and figures. Just write what you want to say personally about living in a big city or a small town.

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Have a Break!

[Jack_Sparrow91]

TOEFL essay samples

Where should we live? In a small town or in a big city? This question is really dificult to have a perfect answer. As far as I concerned, I would rather live in a big city than live in a small town. Three biggest reasons are the job opportunitties, sevices and the communication.

With no trouble, we can realise there are much more jobs in a big city than in a small town. In a big city, the jobs include lots of areas, such as services, trade,… But in a small town, all the jobs are centred upon the farm, the field,… In addition to the job opportunitites, in a big city, we always meet many people, so the chance for us to make friends and co-operate with them is really big.Thus, so many people want to live in a big city in order to develop their carrer.
The services in a big city is always better than in small town. First,they are more convenient. Most of hotels, hospitals, zoos, cinemas, restaurants,… is concentrated in the big city, thus if a farmer or a person who lives in a small town will have to go a long road to use the services. Furthermore, they give more thoughtful care to the customers that the services in a small town don’t have. For example, the entertaining areas in a big city open very late but in a small town, they close when it is only about 8 o’ clock.

For people, meeting others and joining the social events is very important and exciting. Certainly, in a big city, we can meet much more people than in a small town,have more neighbors,… In a small town, each farm is very large so people have little neighbors. Moreover,the social activities in a big city are very diverse and ebullient. So, people will be excited. This is a really big reason that the population in a big city is always larger than the population in a small town.
In conclusion, I prefer to live in a big city because I like a busy live and the competition there. Some people will say that in a big city the enviroment is very polluted. But I don’t mind it because I have hospital and the equipments to protect my health.

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Dear moderator, can you let me know my points, please!

[Mister Micawber]

.
Hello, Jack.

You well understand the basic essay format and have done a good job of organizing this one and presenting your ideas.

I have indicated some errors in the text and in my notes (referring to the underlined portions) below:

Where should we live? In a small town or in a big city? [The underlined is not a complete sentence-- connect it to the previous sentence.]

This question is really difficult to have a perfect answer. As far as I'm concerned, I would rather live in a big city than live in a small town. The three biggest reasons are the job opportunities, the services and the communication.

[You will write a better essay if you avoid all personal references ('I think', 'I feel', etc). Rephrase as: It is more convenient to live in a big city.... Make the essay impersonal and it is automatically more formal.]

With no trouble, we can realise there are much more jobs in a big city than in a small town.

[Eliminate the underlined. Don't pretend to give the readers' abilities. Just get directly to the point: 'there are more jobs...'.]

In a big city, the jobs include lots of areas, such as services and trades,… But in a small town, all the jobs are centred upon the farm and the field,… In addition to the job opportunities in a big city, we meet many people, so the chance for us to make friends and co-operate with them is really big. Thus, many people want to live in a big city in order to develop their careers.

[Lots of and really are too casual for essays. Do not use ellipses like that in an essay-- use and before the last item in a list or etc after it.

The services in a big city are always better than in small towns. First,they are more convenient. Most hotels, hospitals, zoos, cinemas and restaurants,… are concentrated in the big city; thus a farmer or a person who lives in a small town will have to go a long road to use the services. Furthermore, they give more thoughtful care to the customers that the services in a small town don’t have. For example, the entertaining areas in a big city are open until very late but in a small town, they close when it is only about 8 o’clock.

[Do not use contractions in essays: change don't to do not.]

For people, meeting others and joining social events is very important and exciting. Certainly, in a big city, we can meet many more people than in a small town; have more neighbors. In a small town, each farm is very large so people have few neighbors. Moreover, the social activities in a big city are very diverse and ebullient. So, people will be excited. This is a really big reason that the population in a big city is always larger than the population in a small town.

[This last sentence adds nothing to the essay-- it is just filler. Cut it. Be sure that you are always building the essay with each sentence.]

In conclusion, I prefer to live in a big city because I like a busy life and the competition there. Some people will say that in a big city the enviroment is very polluted. But I do not mind it because I have hospitals and equipment to protect my health.

[As before, change the personal references to general ones: 'it is better to live...'; 'there are hospitals...'.]

Good luck on your next effort.

MM
_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Jack_Sparrow91]

thanks very much!