TOEFL essay sample: Some people are well organized, while...

[soni18]

TOEFL essay sample

Some people are well organized, while others are not.
Which kind of person are you?
Support you’re response with specific example

There are many ways of doing thing, but there is only one way to do it correctly.I personally feel working in a organised way is the correct way of doing thing.Therefore,i would always like to work in organized way.
Working in organized way not only reduced stress in life but also helps a person to be more disciplined,confident and eventually successful.

If the work is scheduled , and worked upon on daily basis, then it will not only be accomplised on time but will gaurantee better quality of work too.As it has been rightly said plan your work and work your plan.For instance, when I have to study for my exams I make a schedule for the required subjects ,days and number of chapters to be finished in required time. This way i am even able to handle even hard subjects and finish my revision on time.On the contrary, I have seen students who leave thing for last moments or study in an unorganized way.These kind of students are not only stressed out during exam , but also are more likely to make blunders.
Working in an organized way helps the person to achieve more in small time.This also builts in confidence and encourages him to be successful in every task he/she takes.

Above all this, Working systematically improves the presentation of the work because if worked in unorganized way one will always endup in a chaotic outcomes.I would like to quote an example from my own life. I was given a project to make a vedio cassette on pregnancy and oral hygiene. Along with me, there were 3 more students who had to work on the same project.To start with we first made list of item and money required to finish the project. Each of us was assigned at task to finish.Surprisingly, we not only finished it on time ,but also got the highest grade.
In conclusion, i feel working in organized way is mandatory for a successful person.

[Mister Micawber]

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Hi Soni, and welcome to English-Test.net. Let's look at your TOEFL essay:

Some people are well organized, while others are not. Which kind of person are you? Support your response with specific examples

-- RULE 1: Be careful! If you cannot even copy the question accurately, then the examiner will have a small opinion of your essay already!

There are many ways of doing things, but there is only one way to do it correctly. I personally feel working in an organised way is the correct way of doing things.Therefore, I always like to work in an organized way.
Working in an organized way not only reduces stress in life, but also helps a person to be more disciplined,confident and successful.

-- I removed two words, would and eventually. Try to avoid words that make your statements weaker, that over-qualify the statements; be strong and direct.

If the work is scheduled , and worked upon on a daily basis, then it will not only be accomplished on time but will also guarantee better quality of work. As it has been rightly said, "Plan your work and work your plan". For instance, when I have to study for my exams I make a schedule for the required subjects, the days and the number of chapters to be finished in the required time. This way, I am even able to handle hard subjects and finish my revision on time. On the other hand, I have seen students who leave things for the last moment or study in an unorganized way. This kind of student is not only stressed out during exams, but also is more likely to make blunders.

-- Most of these errors show lack of care; others show that you need to study the article (a, an, the) a bit more.

Working in an organized way helps people to achieve more in a short time.This also builds confidence and encourages them to be successful in every task they undertake.

-- One way to avoid the he/she problem is to cast the sentence in the plural.

Above all this, working systematically improves the presentation of the work, because if one works in an unorganized way, one will always end up with a chaotic outcome. I would like to quote an example from my own life. I was given a project to make a video cassette on pregnancy and oral hygiene. Along with me, there were three more students who had to work on the same project. To start with, we first made a list of items and money required to finish the project. Each of us was assigned a task to finish. Surprisingly, we not only finished it on time ,but also got the highest grade.

In conclusion, working in an organized way is mandatory for a success.

-- I have deleted 'I feel'; try not to personalize your essay, but make objective statements of opinion or fact. Your conclusion is very weak-- a conclusion should summarize, but also give the reader something beyond to think about.

Your essay structure otherwise is basically good, and the presentation is clear. When you take the TOEFL, be sure to reserve five minutes at the end to review what you have written for simple errors in punctuation, spelling and grammar. Leave one space after each comma and two spaces after each period.
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_________________
Canadian-American native speaker
who teaches English for a living at Mister Micawber's
ESL cafe: Interview with Mister Micawber

[soni18]

Dear Mister Micawber
thanks alot for ur correction.I really appreciate ur efforts
with regards