TOEFL essay sample: You want to persuade some one to study

[soni18]

TOEFL essay sample

You want to persuade some one to study your native language. Give reasons to support your answer.

Although all the languages are important, but I favour my native language for some reason. These reasons are firstly, Hindi was derived from sanskrit which forms the basis of large number of languages. Most of the languages spoken in Indian and some of them in middle east are derived from sanskrit, which forms the backbone of hindi language. Therefore, learning other languages will become simpler as many words are common in different languages in India.

Secondly, learning hindi will not only help in communicating with Indians, but help to know about indian culture. As we all know India is land of various culture,rightly said land of unity in diversity. The rich heritage of India in form of literature,art and traditional atire, all this can be well understood with good knowledge of the language people usually speak. The hindi literature is becoming popular at the country as well as international level too.

Thirdly,speaking a language well known in a place or with a person gives a personal touch in relationship. India is rapidly growing country, one in every seventh person is an Indian who would know hindi langauge by heart.

It goes without saying that Indian cinema produces lot more movies that hollywood per year. Bollywood-indian film industry is developing at a very rapid pace, and few of the movies are selescted for international market too. So, if one has to enjoy the colours of indian cinema, then the knowledge of Hindi language becomes mandatory.

Thus,hindi is a magnificent language with variety of variation seen at state level in India. Learning hindi would be an added asset foe a person.

[Mister Micawber]

.

Although all the languages are important, but I favour my native language.

-- One of these two conjunctions is superfluous. 'For some reason' = for an unidentified reason.

These reasons are firstly, -- very awkward; 'the first reason is that'

Hindi was derived from Sanskrit, which forms the basis of a large number of languages. Most of the languages spoken in India and some of them in the Middle East are derived from Sanskrit, which forms the backbone of the Hindi language.

-- you have just repeated yourself.

Therefore, learning other languages is simpler, as many words are common in different languages in India.

-- 'will become' is too tentative.

Secondly, learning Hindi will help not only in communicating with Indians, but also in knowing about indian culture.

-- be aware of parallel structure; place 'not only...but also' as close as possible to parallels.

As we all know,

-- Maybe all the readers do not know; don't overtly presume to know what the reader knows.

India is a land of various cultures, and is rightly called a land of unity in diversity.

-- without 'and', this is a comma-splice error.

The rich heritage of India in its literature, art and traditional attire can be well understood with a good knowledge of the language that its people speak.

-- 'usually speak' is too tentative.

The Hindi literature is becoming popular at the international as well as the national level too.

-- reversed, this statement is pointless.

Thirdly,speaking a language well known in a place or with a person gives a personal touch to a relationship. India is a rapidly growing country; one in every seventh person is an Indian who knows the Hindi language by heart.

-- 'would know' is too tentative. State your facts directly and positively. Without the semicolon, this last sentence is a comma-splice error.

It goes without saying

If it 'goes without saying', then don't say it!-- or don't use this phrase.

that Indian cinema produces many more movies than Hollywood each year. The Bollywood (Indian) film industry is developing at a very rapid pace, but few of the movies are selected for international market.

-- 'and' instead of 'but' causes your point to be missed.

So, if one wishes to enjoy the colours of the Indian cinema, then a knowledge of the Hindi language becomes mandatory.

-- 'Has to' = is required to.

Hindi is a magnificent language with variety of variation seen at state level in India.

-- this sentence is pure babble. Your conclusion must carry meaningful information.

Learning Hindi would be an added asset for a person.

-- this is not a very exciting conclusion.

The overall essay is again well-expressed, Soni. Again, you will lose points for simple errors with articles and capitalization, so spend a little time at the end checking these. If you are having trouble with conclusions, you might try writing the conclusion first: after you have outlined your essay and before you write the introduction.
.
_________________
Canadian-American native speaker
who teaches English for a living at Mister Micawber's
ESL cafe: Interview with Mr. Micawber

[soni18]

Dear Mr Micawber
Thanks a lot once again.Could you please suggest me an introduction for this essay. I would also like to know any site where I can learn about the articals
with regards

[Torsten]

Hi Soni,

Welcome to english-test.net, read this story on How to use the articles http://www.english-test.net/lessons/16/index.html

Regards,
Torsten
_________________
Test Of English for International Communication
TOEIC Preparation & TOEIC Vocabulary

[soni18]

Example #1

W: This coffee is really terrible.
M: I couldn't agree more.
N: What does the man mean?

(A) He would like more coffee.
(B) He thinks the woman should complain.
(C) He also dislikes the coffee.
(D) He thinks the coffee is acceptable.

Example #2

W: This is just about the worst coffee I've ever had.
M: I couldn't agree less.
N: What does the man mean?

(A) He would like more coffee.
(B) He thinks the woman should complain.
(C) He also dislikes the coffee.
(D) He thinks the coffee does not taste bad.

Example #3

M: Hey, I heard you tried that new Japanese restaurant around the corner. How was it?
W: Couldn't have been better!
N: What does the woman mean?

(A) She has not been to the restaurant yet.
(B) She enjoyed the restaurant very much.
(C) She thinks that some of the menu items are better than others.
(D) She plans to eat at the restaurant soon.

Example #4

W: Justine, Joanna told me that you'd seen the student sculpture exhibit on the quad. What'd you think of it?
W: I've seen better!
N: What does Justine mean?

(A) The exhibit is not as impressive as other exhibits that she has seen.
(B) She was not able to see the exhibit.
(C) It was difficult to enjoy the exhibit.
(D) Her eyes are troubling her.

Example #5

W: Carl, how you feeling today?
M: Couldn't be better!
N: What does the man mean?

(A) He feels great.
(B) She was not able to see the exhibit.
(C) It was difficult to enjoy the exhibit.
(D) Her eyes are troubling her.

[Mister Micawber]

.
We would like you to try first, Soni.

Choose the letter (A,B,C,D) of the statement which best answers the Narrator's (N) question about the dialogue between the man and woman (M and W).

Then we will check your answers.
.
_________________
Canadian-American native speaker
who teaches English for a living at Mister Micawber's
ESL cafe: Interview with Mr. Micawber

[soni18]

Example #1

W: This coffee is really terrible.
M: I couldn't agree more.
N: What does the man mean?

(A) He would like more coffee.
(B) He thinks the woman should complain.
(C) He also dislikes the coffee.
(D) He thinks the coffee is acceptable.

C
Example #2

W: This is just about the worst coffee I've ever had.
M: I couldn't agree less.
N: What does the man mean?

(A) He would like more coffee.
(B) He thinks the woman should complain.
(C) He also dislikes the coffee.
(D) He thinks the coffee does not taste bad.

D
Example #3

M: Hey, I heard you tried that new Japanese restaurant around the corner. How was it?
W: Couldn't have been better!
N: What does the woman mean?

(A) She has not been to the restaurant yet.
(B) She enjoyed the restaurant very much.
(C) She thinks that some of the menu items are better than others.
(D) She plans to eat at the restaurant soon.

B
Example #4

W: Justine, Joanna told me that you'd seen the student sculpture exhibit on the quad. What'd you think of it?
W: I've seen better!
N: What does Justine mean?

(A) The exhibit is not as impressive as other exhibits that she has seen.
(B) She was not able to see the exhibit.
(C) It was difficult to enjoy the exhibit.
(D) Her eyes are troubling her.
A
Example #5

W: Carl, how you feeling today?
M: Couldn't be better!
N: What does the man mean?

(A) He feels great.
(B) She was not able to see the exhibit.
(C) It was difficult to enjoy the exhibit.
(D) Her eyes are troubling her.
A

[Mister Micawber]

.
Perfect score, Soni-- congratulations! Of course, when you take the TOEFL, these dialogues are part of the listening test; you won't be able to read the dialogue.
.
_________________
Canadian-American native speaker
who teaches English for a living at Mister Micawber's
ESL cafe: Interview with Mr. Micawber