Lines from Mickey Spillane: I could see the lights...

[Tom]

Hi

Have you ever read Mickey Spillane? If no, please read the given lines and answer the questions.

" I could see the lights on downstairs. I grinned to myself, braked the Ford, and followed the curve of it up to the house.

What a damn fool I am, I thought. Do I shake hands or slap somebody's tail for them? This was no prodigal son returning and if I expected a happy homecoming I was blowing smoke all the way."

Q1- Lights on downstairs?? Why on?
Q2- Could you please explain the bold lines to me? What is he trying to say?

Tom

[Tom]

Mickey Spillane

[Yankee]

[Tom]

How can I believe, Amy, until I see your explanation?

Please do!

Tom

[Yankee]

Hi Tom

"I could see the lights on downstairs."
I imagine he is outside a two-story house at night and he can see light in the windows on the ground floor (because inside the house some or all of the lights on the ground floor are on. ) And all of the second story windows are dark (because inside the house all of the lights on the upper floor are off.

"What a damn fool I am, I thought. Do I shake hands or slap somebody's tail for them? This was no prodigal son returning and if I expected a happy homecoming I was blowing smoke all the way."

Idiom: "blow smoke"
http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/blow+smoke
Idiom: "prodigal son"
http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/prodigal+son

Normally when someone returns after being away for an extended period of time, the homecoming is happy and pleasant. People are glad to see you again and shaking hands would be a friendly and normal thing to do.

In your quote, there has obviously been some sort of trouble in the past (with the people who live in the house) and the writer is saying that he'd only be fooling himself if he thought his arrival would be a happy event.

Amy
_________________
Amy
.
ESL teacher, translator, and a native speaker of American English

[Tom]

slap somebody's tail

Many thanks, Amy.

Could you tell what it means? Google does not show it.

Tom

[Yankee]

Hi Tom

I'm not 100% sure what is meant by "slap somebody's tail for them".

When you slap someone you hit them with an open hand --- usually on the face.

The word tail could refer to a person's rear end.
Theoretically, tail might also be a reference to "a person assigned or employed to follow and report on someone else's movements and actions"

I don't understand why "for them" was added after "slap somebody's tail." (I have no idea who "them" is and why "them" would want a tail to be slapped. )

Without further context (more of the story), I don't know exactly what the meaning is.

Sorry.
_________________
Amy
.
ESL teacher, translator, and a native speaker of American English

[Tom]

[Yankee]

Hi Tom

I used the word on because I was describing the general surface area of contact (i.e., on the face rather than on the tail) and not a blow itself. The usual point of contact/location of a slap is somewhere on the face. You could, however, slap someone on some other part of the body.

When describing a blow itself, the most typical preposition used with slap or hit is in.

Amy
_________________
Amy
.
ESL teacher, translator, and a native speaker of American English