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One preface needs to be correct



 
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One preface needs to be correct #1 (permalink) Sat Sep 09, 2006 4:15 am   One preface needs to be correct
 

Hello Teachers,

I was asked to translate one preface from my native language, Khmer, into English. I don't know whether my English is approprait or not. Please see the following:

Preface

We, monks and laypeople who are the establishing members, are unanimously intended to found an organization named Dhamma Missionary Federation for Development in order to educate Khmer citizens for promoting their lives in term of welfare, law and order, trade, money acccumulation, four-Buddhism morals, and intellect by means of sustaining better permanency of an individual, society, and the environment.

To fulfill this invaluable objective, we have created specific provisions for our Dhamma Missionary Federation for Development stated in the ensuing articles, so that all the members can execute and utilize them as a guide to strengten the organization's stability, development, and public trust.

Dhamma Missionary Federation for Development declares its provisions as follows:


I hope to get your suggestion

Thanks in advance

Jupiter
Jupiter
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 15 Dec 2005
Posts: 215
Location: Cambodia

One preface needs to be correct #2 (permalink) Sat Sep 09, 2006 14:19 pm   One preface needs to be correct
 

.
It is basically fine, Jupiter. I would suggest the following changes; others may have other opinions:

We, the monks and laypersons who are the founding members, unanimously intend to found an organization named 'Dhamma Missionary Federation for Development' in order to educate Khmer citizens and to improve their lives in term of welfare, law and order, trade, personal savings, the four Buddhist moral laws, and intellect through sustaining better standards for the individual, society, and the environment.

To fulfill this worthwhile objective, we have created specific provisions for our Dhamma Missionary Federation for Development as stated in the ensuing articles, so that all members can use them as guidelines in strengthening the organization's stability, development, and public trust.

Dhamma Missionary Federation for Development declares its provisions as follows:
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One preface needs to be correct #3 (permalink) Mon Sep 11, 2006 3:03 am   One preface needs to be correct
 

Hi Mr. Micawber,

Thanks for your correction.
It's really helpful and useful for me.

Wish you more power.

Jupiter
Jupiter
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 15 Dec 2005
Posts: 215
Location: Cambodia

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