 #2 (permalink) Thu Sep 21, 2006 11:44 am Official e-mail |
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Hi Fooz
I've highlighted some of the words in your e-mail and added my comments under the quote:
| Fooz wrote: |
the context of my e-mail
"Gentlemen,
First, we would like to thank you for your visit to our premises on mmm. dd, yyyy
Based on the marginal conversations I had with you, I noticed that you are expecting (ABC co.) to sign a letter of commitment contains twelve points.
As (ABC co.) had mentioned nothing about that letter, we doubled checked with KIPUK and they did confirm that they had received nothing.
Would you please e-mail that letter to them a.s.a.p.
Best Regards, "
End of the e-mail |
- marginal = low quality; substandard - sounds very negative and unfriendly. What do you mean? Short or brief? Suggestion: "Based on our brief conversations"
- noticed --> understood
- letter of commitment --> letter of intent???
- contains --> containing/consisting of
- that letter --> such a letter
- did confirm --> confirmed *
- *they did confirm that they had received nothing --> It might be better to make this part more current: "they confirm that they have received nothing"
- a.s.a.p. --> This is a standard abbreviation, but it might be better to make it somewhat more formal: as soon as possible / at your earliest convenience
_________________
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." ~ Abraham Lincoln |
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Yankee
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 16 Apr 2006
Posts: 8316
Location: USA
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Fooz
