TOEFL® essay sample: Some people spend their entire lives...

[Christoph1982]

Please rate my essay... There will be some failures, because I wrote it within the thirty minutes, but I want to know where I stay.
kind regards,
christoph

TOEFL Essay review

Some people spend their entire lives in one place. Others move a number of times throughout their lives, looking for a better job, house,…. . Which do you prefer?

Although there are some good reasons to stay in one place for the entire life - for instance the wife, the children and probably friends - I would prefer to move from one location to another for several reasons. Travelling the whole life will definitely broaden my mind and bring myself further, because it is possible to learn a lot of different languages, to get to know new people and to live in societies with diverse cultural behaviours.
Because of the globalization and its world connecting impact, improving the language skills is one of the most essential things to remain interesting for well paid jobs. In addition, speaking a lot of different languages affects the social capability in a positive way, because it is possible to communicate with citizens from around the world, without having problems.
Another, not less essential point is the possibility to get to know a lot of new people in different countries in the world. From my point of view it is very interesting to see diverse behaviours, which are influenced from the culture where the people grew up. Diverse food, music and parties are only a few things that change rapidly in different regions, respectively, countries.
Finally, the different cultures all across the world are very fascinating for me. I love it to go on sightseeing, and get impressed of gigantic or historical buildings very easily. Nevertheless, to me, it is indispensable to live in a country for a time to understand the cultural behaviours of a folk, which represents, in a way, the buildings in their countries.
Summarizing, there is no doubt for me, that a persons, who travel a lot during their life gather some experiences, which are otherwise not possible to gain.

[Alan]

Hi,

My suggestions are in CAPITAL letters:

[Christoph1982]

Thanks a lot Alan, you helped me a lot...
To you have any suggestions to improve my writing???
kind regards,
christoph

[Delta]

hi am a new member here and i hope the sir ALAN would give me his opinion about my essay of course if Christoph1982 don't mind

here it is:

Some people prefer to move around from
palce to another, while other people spend their lives in one place without moving around.
For me, I support the first group of people for the following reasons:
First, as I see moving around can help you to discover new countries, meet new people and to have an idea about others cultures and belives.
Second, moving around can be an important factor for improving languages.
more ever, being in a foreign country forces you to speak other language so that your language will be improved.
Then, if you are looking for a better job or a better house changing locations is very useful becouse it helps you to have a better idea about other people and about their life styles , so you can choose what it is more confident for you and what is more comfortable for your family.
Further more, there is no doubt that you are always searching for better schools and better learning styles for your family , and by travelling you will have the greatest idea about shcools and educational materials around the glob.
All in all, I totally prefer to move around and to change places that to stay in one place for the rest of my life without knowing that there is other better chances are waiting for me.