 #2 (permalink) Sat Oct 14, 2006 15:41 pm Toefl essay: change something about your country |
|
|
Hi,
My suggestions are in CAPITAL letters:
| Quote: |
| Quote: |
I think , it(WHAT?)is possible with technologic development/THE DEVLOPMENT OF TECHNOLOGY.If we turn, and look (our) arOund we can' t see anything from/OF technology.The simple example IS ıf we go TO A goverment office, there are a lot of computerS.My country is Turkey.We produce a lot of vegetableS,fruit, and things like this.We don't produce technologY Instruments.
Technology is different from the other thingS that we produce ,because is/IT costS A large amOunt OF money.We export vegetableS,fruit AND things like this,we import computerS ,planeS .If we look AT things that we export and import there are a lot of differenceS between them. For example when we buy one plane we have to pay WITH all THE vegetableS that we produced in one city.This situation IS bad for us ,but good for the other country that/FROM WHICH we HAVE imported.
Recently technology is/HAS BEEN growing (up) and it is becOming more important than (the other instruments) OTHER PRODUCTS in the world. Why is it becOming more important? This quEstion(s answer) is very easy TO ANSWER.Turkey is under risk because of /THE DANGER OF WARwar danger.We buy our war planeS FROM (the) other countries that can attack (to) Turkey.If we don't produce our OWN technology they WILL know all details abOut our air defence systems. If any war breaks out,it can be very dangerous for Turkey.
We have to work to produce technology.Living without technology is impossible in this ceuntry.ıf we don 't produce (someones already produce so) WHAT OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE ALREADY PRODUCED,we WILL have to pay large amountS OF money to buy them/IT. We have to start to produce technology as soon as possible |
. İs this enough ? What do you think abaut this? THANK YOU
|
Check on the difference between the comma , and the semi-colon ;
Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Present Simple |
|
Alan
Co-founder
Joined: 27 Sep 2003
Posts: 13891
Location: UK
|
