TOEFL essay: ban smoking from public places

[purplevalleys]

TOEFL essay

Topic: In some country, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think it is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position.

Many scientific reasearch have proved that smoking is very harmful to people. Because it is hard for people to get rid of this unhealthy habit, some countries have passed laws which ban people from smoking in public places and office buildings. In my opion, this policy is very necessary and worthy.

First of all, it is the matter of our health. Some people say that they feel relived and relaxed when smoking in that it can help them forget their daily problems. Yes, this is one of smoking’s advantage. However, if one keeps smoking over a long time, he can grow lots of types of diseases. He might lose his strength gradually though hardly can he aware of this. He is easily affected by other severe diseases. And it costs him lots of money for treatment. Above all, he loses his health which goes and never comes back. Health is obviously the most valuable treasure in our lives.

Secondly, pulic places and office building are crowded. When we smoke, people around us are annoyed at the smelly air. Our act can cause them disturbance and anger. Furthermore, passive smokers, people who don’t smoke, are likely those who suffer the most from our smoking. For instance, it is very bad for children to grow up in an environment where many people smoke. As a result, they are unhealthy and easily grow diseases. The less we smoke, the healthier other people and our selves are.

Finally, by stopping smoking, it is a very good to save money. The money which comes from the profit of buying cigarretts is not as worth as the money we can save from not buying them to invest in other things. The government can use that amount of money to support people with better living conditions, sanitation, health projects, and so on. One individual can use the money for buying his mother some flowers, or donating to the social projects, instead buying cigarrettes. Although our contributions is not very much, each and every support of an individual can become the whole great support which means some tremedous things.

It is good to pass law to restrict the public smoking activity of smokers. However, if people are well-aware of the bad consequences of smoking and determined to quit smoking by themselves, I think it’s the best way.

Thanks a lot.
_________________
Anyone could tell me from where all of my mistakes come?!

[Alan]

HI,

Many/MUCH scientific reasearch haS proved that smoking is very harmful to people. Because it is hard for people to get rid of this unhealthy habit, some countries have passed laws which ban people from smoking in public places and office buildings. In my opiNIon, this policy is very necessary and worthWHILE.

First of all, it is A matter of our health. Some people say that they feel relived/REVIVED and relaxed when smoking in that it can help them forget their daily problems. Yes, this is one of smoking’s advantageS. However, if one keeps smoking over a long time, he/ONE/YOU can grow/GET lots of types of diseases. He might lose his strength gradually though hardly can he/IS HE aware of this. He is easily affected by other severe diseases. And it costs him lots of money for treatment. Above all, he loses his health which goes and never comes back. Health is obviously the most valuable treasure in our lives.

Secondly, puBlic places and office buildingS are crowded. When we smoke, people around us are annoyed at the smelly air. Our act can cause them disturbance and anger. Furthermore, passive smokers, people who don’t smoke, are likely TO BE those who suffer the most from our smoking. For instance, it is very bad for children to grow up in an environment where many people smoke. As a result, they are unhealthy and easily grow/GET/CATCH diseases. The less we smoke, the healthier other people and our selves are.

Finally, by stopping smoking, it is a very good to save money. The money which comes from the profit of buying cigarretts is not as worth as the money we can save from not buying them to invest in other things. The government can use that amount of money to support people with better living conditions, sanitation, health projects, and so on. One individual can use the money for buying his mother some flowers, or donating to the social projects, instead OF buying cigarrettes. Although our contributions ARE not very much, each and every support of an individual can become the whole great support which means some tremeNdous things.

It is good to pass A law to restrict the public smoking activity of smokers. However, if people are well-aware of the bad consequences of smoking and determined to quit smoking by themselves, I think it’s the best way.

A
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Subjunctive