TOEFL® essay: Teachers should make learning enjoyable and fun for their students

[Aereal]

Hello Everyone!!!

As You can see, I'm a newbie here. I don't know whether it is good or bad that I stumbled upon this site _today_, because I'm taking the TOEFL IBT tomorrow, that means, that I will not be able to improve much within a single day :)

Anyway, I'll now try allotting 30 minutes to compose an essay from the TOEFL IBT brochure... I'd be very grateful if You could review it and estimate what score would I receive for it on an actual test

here we go (please note, that everything written below may not represent my actual point of view, and the only reason the essay is written in the way it is, is that I thought that it would score higher that way!):

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Teachers should make learning enjoyable and fun for their students.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion

We, people, usually spend the first quarter of our lives learning. And roughly the half of that time we spend with teachers. On one hand, education is an essential part of our existence, and the better we feel about learning - the more probable is our success. On the other hand, some people may argue, that learning is not that easy, and we have to face all the difficulties immediately. In the final analysis, however, I believe, that learning should be made enjoyable for all students. And the main role in it must be played by teachers. The following essay will support this idea and provide examples for both views.

First of all, we must never forget, that students and still children. Whether they are schoolboys, or undergraduate students - they are to be treated like children. Considering the current loads the students are exposed to, it comes obvious why stress and psychological breakdowns are so frequent among the young people. Teachers currently try to push vast piles of information into student heads in relatively short periods of time. They fail. The results are horrible: enormous waste of time and finances, uneducated society and dim future... In order to prevent such terrible outcome, we must educate teachers to handle students. New ways are have to be discovered for teachers to convey their knowledge for the students in an easy and effective manner. This will definitely improve the situation in classes and make the education process more enjoyable and productive overall.

Furthermore, I believe the keyword here is "motivation". Teachers should do their best to motivate students. It is clear, that we are more likely to accept the new knowledge, if we are sure that "we need it", "it is useful" and "everyone will benefit from our knowledge". For example, I have been studying physics for several years already. Everything was fine, until we began studying Quantum Theory of Relativity. The entire course was rather disgusting and uninteresting, because the teacher mainly concentrated on mathematical approach and failed to explain us what did we need it for in the beginning. However, after I read a couple of general books about the subject, I became more and more interested in it and, finally, I discovered that it is a truly interesting and fascinating field of science. Though, I still feel uncomfortable to remember my first lectures in it.

One may argue, however, that there are disciplines that may seem uninteresting, but though must be learned by all the students. For instance, when I studied physics in a special physics-oriented school, we were also taught biology. The majority of students, however, understood that biology was not their desire. They have already made their choice - physics. The teachers, though, disagreed. They claimed that we were too little to decide what we actually needed, and general education was necessary for us. Finally, we had to obey, and "had" to study biology. Now, it is clear for me that we had no chances to excel in that field of science with such an attitude. And it was our, as well as teachers' fault. They failed to persuade us in the necessity of the biology classes for our future development, while we lacked self-motivation, and tried only to get rid of the subject. Now we all regret about that.

To sum up, I think teachers must always try to do their best in order to make learning process enjoyable for students. The more fun - the better. Games uncover excellent ways to learn new things, especially for little ones, without confusing them. Thus the only way to guarantee the prosperity of the mankind is to instill love towards knowledge in the younger generation.

ugh, i should have written it in 30 minutes, however it took me a bit longer... also here was a spell checker, that helped me a bit (two or three times)...
though, i have written nearly the same-length response within the 30-minute time limit on the actual GRE test two days ago... so, this is a good approximation of what I am capable of...

Your comments and advices are highly appreciated! :)

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student need money?
_________________
my game is fair play

[Aereal]

P.S. ugh, i put myself 2, because though it is quite big, the entire essay seems scrappy due to the lack of loooooong sentences...
_________________
my game is fair play

[Dolma]

its just great to know about your idea on the topic....