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Tom I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 30 May 2006 Posts: 2061
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#3 (permalink) Wed Nov 22, 2006 15:35 pm Grammar correction: 'The house was covered in its...' |
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Patience, patience, Tom.  I think you've done an excellent job! I got goose bumps.
I added a couple of commas (blue) in the quote and made comments about the parts highlighted in red after the quote.
Maybe someone else will have some additional or better ideas.
| Tom wrote: |
| 'The house was covered in its usual eerie dark, casting fear from every brick. For over hundred years, this house, which had now become a paradigm of horror among the people living nearby, stood all on itself. The heavy and rusty padlock on the iron gate, which had now become as unsightly as the house itself, silently proclaimed that it had been untouched for a long, long time. But these walls and gates were not deprived of life altogether. Large clutters of spiders moved about them 'freely' in their cobs.' |
stood all on itself --> stood all by itself / had stood in solitary silence /
moved about them 'freely' in their cobs --> moved freely about (them) in their cobwebs
Amy |
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Yankee I'm a Communicator ;-)

Joined: 16 Apr 2006 Posts: 8265 Location: USA
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#4 (permalink) Wed Nov 22, 2006 19:21 pm Grammar correction: 'The house was covered in its...' |
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Tom wrote: 'The house was covered in its usual eerie dark, casting fear from every brick. For over hundred years, this house, which had now become a paradigm of horror among the people living nearby, stood all on itself. The heavy and rusty padlock on the iron gate, which had now become as unsightly as the house itself, silently proclaimed that it had been untouched for a long, long time. But these walls and gates were not deprived of life altogether. Large clutters of spiders moved about them 'freely' in their cobs.'
In addition to what Amy mentioned:
Line 1: For over one hundred years... (or "100")
This is really nit-picky, but since the second-to-last sentence sets up the last sentence, I would write it like this:
"But these walls and gates were not deprived of life altogether: large clutters of spiders moved about them freely in their cobs."
you could also replace the colon with "in that" or "as":
"....deprived of life altogether as large clutters of spiders moved about them freely in their cobs."
I'm going to assume that "cobs" signifies "cob webs/cobwebs".
Good job! _________________ Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee. |
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Prezbucky I'm a Communicator ;-)

Joined: 07 Nov 2006 Posts: 2527 Location: Nashville, TN (USA)
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| Which or that? | Be where you act? |