Grammar correction: 'The trauma she was going through...'

[Tom]

Hi

Could you please correct the grammatical and punctuation mistakes in the following passage? Any suggestions to beautify the passage would be greatly appreciated.

The trauma that she was going through then was simply something that others could never understand—even if they tried to. Catherine Friday, Ms. Nancy to the world and Cathy to those near to her, was in her early thirties. She was a slim woman with no distinctive features. But lately it seemed that a strange fear had made its permanent abode on her face, and now that could be called her mark of distinction.

‘Hang in, don’t give in now,’ she told herself. 'It will soon be over; there is no need to panic'. She kept telling herself.

Tom

[Jamie (K)]

Tom, I didn't see anything worth tinkering with. It sounded very nice to me -- actually, more than nice. All I can say is that you need to make sure you put the period within the quotation marks.

[Yankee]

Hi Tom

I agree with Jamie (including the comma placement): Your writing is better than nice. It's excellent! I hope I'll receive an autographed copy when you publish your novel.

I also don't think you need to change anything, but I've got a couple questions and comments:

I am a little curious about the woman's name: How does 'Catherine Friday' become 'Ms Nancy'? And are you sure you want to use Ms? Where does your story take place? The choice of "Miss", Mrs, or "Ms" can change the "flavor" of things.

The expression 'Hang in' is not one I would personally use without the word 'there': "Hang in there." You could say "Hang on" or "Hold on" instead (those expressions are used without 'there').

Also (and only out of curiosity): Why did you use 'give in' and not 'give up'? What's she afraid of giving in to? The fear?

Amy

[Tom]

Dear Amy

I just thought of a short story in which a woman is haunted by her 'dead' husband. Just a very local plot, to be honest!. I want to put 'life' in my story by putting nail-biting and heart-pounding suspense in the lines. I also know that it's not my cup of tea but what's the harm in trying?

Catherie Friday was married to John Jacob who called her Nancy.
She is Ms now because for one thing she is divorced and for another her husband is 'dead'.

Now I have changed it to hang on! .

I thought don't give in was complete. Should I put fear there at the end or should I simply write don't give up?

Do you remember the house that gave you goose bumbs? Her husband is hiding there

Many, many thanks for the encouragement.

Tom

PS: Waiting for further feedback.

[Yankee]

Hi Tom

[Jamie (K)]

It's not unusual in the US for people to shorten "hang in there" to just "hang in", so that sentence sounded perfect natural, in terms of the way people here speak nowadays. I didn't see anything wrong with that sentence.

I agree with Amy, that Nancy is a very strange nickname for someone named Catherine, and it needs explanation. It's as weird as if everyone knew a woman named Anne and called her Jennifer. Nancy could be Catherine's middle name. Sometimes American girls in high school hate their first name and want to change it, and some of them go by their middle name for a while.

But weird nicknames are possible. I have a sister named Kathy, and my nicknames for her are "Cathode" (which means a negatively charged electrode) and "Catheter" (a flexible tube inserted into a narrow opening in the body cavity to remove fluid). There is no relation between the meanings of these nicknames and my using them. All my life I've just enjoyed giving people nicknames that are words for technical or medical devices. Don't ask me why, because I don't know.

Keep in mind that it's VERY unusual in the English-speaking world, or at least in the largest part of it, to use the titles Mr., Mrs., Miss and Ms. before the person's first name only. It's normal in other languages, but not in ours, which is why ESL teachers get very aggravated trying to get their students to stop calling them Mr. James, Miss Sherry, Mrs. Cathy, etc. The reason it bothers us is that it sounds like the way slaves used to address their masters in the South before the Civil War.

Also, keep in mind that the title Ms. is now used in only two situations. Either (1) we don't know the woman's marital status, or (2) a woman is an angry, belligerent feminist and insists on that title. There was a funny scene in my favorite cartoon show, King of the Hill, in which the main character, Hank, consults a woman lawyer or someone like that. I don't know her name, but let's say her last name was Smith. Hank comes into her office and addresses her, "Mrs. Smith?" The woman snaps back, "It's MS. Smith, and in case you're wondering, I AM married!" The reason this is funny is that if a woman freely reveals that she's married, it defeats the whole purpose of her calling herself "Ms."

[Yankee]

[Jamie (K)]