TOEFL essay sample: House or Business

[mahdi]

You have enough money to purchase either a house or a
business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific
reasons to explain your choice.

I personaly prefer to purchase a business instead of
purchasing a house.I have my own reasons for this
decision. I will try to point out some of this reasons
below.

Firstly I usually enjoy to participate in abusiness
because I believe that I can success in business . In
addition I like to gain a lot of money and I think that
business is a good way to achiveing to this goal.
Furthermore I dont like to have a funished big house
without enough money in my saving or current account.

In contrast some people may disagree with this opinion.
They may want to live with peace and quiet in a good
house and dont like to concern about their business
affairs. Women are often favourites of this kind of
opinion.

In conclusion, the goals that you pursue in your life can
very help when you are ansewring to this question. In
fact before you think about this question you should
think what you from the life.

[Alan]

Hi,

My suggestions are in CAPITAL LETTERS:

I personaly WOULD prefer to purchase a business instead of
purchasing a house.I have my own reasons for this
decision. I will try to point out some of thESE reasons
below.

Firstly I usually enjoy participatING in a business
because I believe that I can succeED in business . In
addition I like to EARN a lot of money and I think that
business is a good way to achIEVE this goal.
Furthermore I WOULDN'T like to have a BIG funished house
without enough money in my savingS or current account.

In contrast some people may disagree with this opinion.
They may want to live IN peace and quiet in a good
house and WOULDN'T like to BE concernED about their business
affairs. Women are often favourites FOR HAVINGthis kind of
opinion.

In conclusion, the goals that you pursue in your life can
help VERY MUCH when you are answEring this question. In
fact before you think about this question you should
think what you WANT?? from life.

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story 'the' vs. 'a/an'