TOEFL essay sample: How to reduce traffic?

[Rashmi]

Hi Alan
Please evaluate my essay. I would be highly thankful to you for your efforts.
Regards
Rashmi

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extant do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays traffic is a major problem for big cities. If we do some effort to reduce the amount of traffic then a pollution free and comfortable living will created. With the development of science, now everything is possible in world. Computers are one of the most important inventions of science. We can reduce traffic by using the computers. Most of the people prefer e-education, e-shopping and working from home. All these are possible by using computers with net connectivity. Traffic can be reduced if people reduce their travel from home to work, education or shopping. But I would like to say that is one way, but not the only way to reduce the amount of traffic. The use of computer is not possible for everybody because computers are very expensive. If people do not go out side and chat with others then they will not feel happy. Outing is very important for humans. Hence I do not agree that for reducing traffic people should reduce travel for work, education or shopping. There are many other ways also to reduce traffic.

In cities, if everybody uses their own car and other huge vehicles then traffic will increase. But on the other hand if people use subways, buses and other public transport for their travel then traffic can be reduced. For example, in Singapore everybody uses public transportation. By the usage of public transportation, Singapore has no traffic problem. If people use public transportation then not only will they reduce the traffic but also save money. Today fuel prices are going up day by day. Reducing the use of automobile is a good way of saving money.

In my view, roads and highways should be good to reduce traffic. In India I have seen many cities in which traffic is a major problem. Bangalore is one of them. Bangalore has no good highways and roads. Therefore people get stuck in traffic jams and do not want to live in Bangalore. So if we do not want to get stuck in traffic jam, roads should be good and broad. I like the roads and highway system of the U.S. In the U.S. there is no problem of traffic jam and people enjoy driving.

In big cities government should announce the ban for purchasing independent vehicles. Government should increase the taxes on vehicles. If people really have a necessity for vehicles then they can purchase it otherwise not. Traffic jam is directly related to the number of vehicles in a city. Development of country should not be in only one city but distributed all over the country. By distribution of development we can distribute the traffic equally. I think it will be good in long run as well.

So in my opinion, if we really want to reduce traffic in cities then we should encourage people to use public transport. People feel good if they live a good and comfortable environment.

[Alan]

Hi,

My suggestions are in CAPITAL LETTERS:

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extEnt do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays traffic is a major problem for big cities. If we MAKE some effort to reduce the amount of traffic then a pollution free and comfortable living will BE created. With the development of science, now everything is possible in THE world. Computers are one of the most important inventions of science. We can reduce traffic by using computers. Most of the people prefer e-education, e-shopping and working from home. All these are possible by using computers with net connectivity. Traffic can be reduced if people reduce their travel from home to work, education or shopping. But I would like to say that is one way, but not the only way to reduce the amount of traffic. The use of computerS is not possible for everybody because computers are very expensive. If people do not go outside and chat with others then they will not feel happy. GOING OUT is very important for humans. Hence I do not agree that for reducing traffic people should reduce travel for work, education or shopping. There are many other ways also to reduce traffic.

In cities, if everybody uses their own car and other huge vehicles then traffic will increase. But on the other hand if people use subways, buses and other public transport for their travel then traffic can be reduced. For example, in Singapore everybody uses public transportation. WITH THE USE of public transportation, Singapore has no traffic problem. If people use public transportation then not only will they reduce the traffic but also save money. Today fuel prices are going up day by day. Reducing the use of THE automobile is a good way of saving money.

In my view, roads and highways should be good to reduce traffic. In India I have seen many cities in which traffic is a major problem. Bangalore is one of them. Bangalore has no good highways and roads. Therefore people get stuck in traffic jams and do not want to live in Bangalore. So if we do not want to get stuck in traffic jamS, roads should be good and broad. I like the roads and highway system of the U.S. In the U.S. there is no problem WITH traffic jamS and people enjoy driving.

In big cities THE government ban THE PURCHASE OF independent vehicles. THE Government should increase the taxes on vehicles. If people really have a necessity for A vehicle then they can purchase it, otherwise not. A Traffic jam is directly related to the number of vehicles in a city. Development of THE country should not be in only one city but distributed all over the country. By distribution of development we can distribute the traffic equally. I think it will be good in THE long run as well.

So in my opinion, if we really want to reduce traffic in cities then we should encourage people to use public transport. People feel good if they live IN a good and comfortable environment.


Alan
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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Sea Expressions

[Rashmi]

Hi Alan,
Thanks for your correction.
Rashmi