TOEFL® essay: Some businesses observe that people who just finished college...

[Heuhimbeere]

Hi guys,
this is my first try for an essay for IELTS, I WOULD BE HAPPY IF SOMEBODY COULD PROOFREAD IT.
thanks a lot

"Some businesses observe that people who just finished college have a hard time interacting with colleagues in working as a team. What are your suggestions to address this problem?"

As a matter of fact, many freshly graduated are not being able to fulfil the requirements of their future employers. Especially the so called “soft skills” are a problem students and teachers on the one and employers on the other hand should think about. Take the vast field of teamwork: in our days, the world of employment, where hardly anybody works independently from his colleagues, is unthinkable without teamwork.

The crucial point is now how it might be possible to teach this skill to future employees. Saying it should happen as soon as they start working is surely not acceptable. Even though it is important that such qualities as teamwork are being supported in the job, it is not sufficient. Regarding that, colleges play a fundamental role. It must be possible to introduce new, more practical ways of learning and teaching. The teaching staff must have the possibility but also the duty to apply modern teaching methods. On the other side the students have to be prepared to accept these new ways of teaching being the ones who are expected to show their skills in practise.

It should not be forgotten though, that the teaching methods at college have been gone through huge changes during the last decades. Having introduced and applied more and more practical and close-to-life methods many colleges prepare their students for teamwork. In fact, students do a lot of team work even today. However, companies are still not satisfied and it might be a long way until they are.

In conclusion one can say, that even though there have been changes in the teaching methods concerning team work at colleges there should be done a lot more to prepare students for their future working place, where teamwork will be most likely essential.

[Alan]

As a matter of fact, many RECENTLY graduated PEOPLE are not able to fulfil the requirements of their future employers. Especially the so called “soft skills” are a problem students and teachers on the one HAND and employers on the other hand should think about. Take the vast field of teamwork: NOWADAYS, the world of employment, where hardly anybody works independently from his colleagues, is unthinkable without teamwork.

The crucial point is now how it might be possible to teach this skill to future employees. Saying it should happen as soon as they start working is surely not acceptable. Even though it is important that such qualities as teamwork are being supported in the job, it is not sufficient. IN THAT RESPECT colleges play a fundamental role. It must be possible to introduce new, more practical ways of learning and teaching. The teaching staff must have the possibility but also the duty to apply modern teaching methods. On the other side the students have to be prepared to accept these new ways of teaching AS THEY ARE the ones who are expected to show their skills in practise.

It should not be forgotten though, that the teaching methods at college have gone through huge changes during the last FEW decades. Having introduced and applied more and more practical and close-to-life methods many colleges prepare their students for teamwork. In fact, students do a lot of team work even today. However, companies are still not satisfied and it might be a long TIME BEFORE they are.

In conclusion one can say, that even though there have been changes in the teaching methods concerning team work at colleges a lot more SHOULD BE DONE to prepare students for their future working place, where teamwork will be most likely essential.


Alan
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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Three Letters for You?