TOEFL sample essay: Killing animals and using their flesh for food is not right

[dragontv]

Killing animals and using their flesh for food is not right. Do you agree or disagree?

Animals include pets, wild animals, and so on. A long time ago people killed them and used their flesh (for food) without any restrictions. But doing the same things with pets and wild animals is not right nowadays. I do believe this opinion because of following reasons.

Firstly, to agree with eating wild animals' meat seems that we have accepted bad activities; it means that we are closing our eyes to damaging nature. As far as I know, many types of wild animals went extinct because of hunting. That is why we are not able to see them again nowadays. So protecting wild animals is our responsibility. This mission could not only conserve a plenty of the nature, but this might also be what we could do for the future, for our new generations. We should remember that the natural resource is limited and any animals have existed with their own true reasons. This is the balance of natural rule. So do not hunt any more animals, even though wild animals' meat is very delicious, it might bring a worse future to our posterity.

Secondly, in our current civilization, pets are subjects that should be protected as people recognize that pets also could be ones protected, even by law in some countries. It would be inhuman activities if we killed or ate our pets that we loved so much and were happy with. For example, when I was a child, I had a lovely dog. Actually, I was very interested in playing many games with him. Unfortunately, one day I found out that my dog had been stolen away. This event made my families feel sad for weeks, and worry about me because I had been sick and missed the dog.

Finally, in my opinion, killing animals and using their flesh is a bad judgment, except for animals that are grown up for meat only such as cows, pigs, sheep, and something like these so on.
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[Alan]

Hi,

Animals includING pets, wild animals, and so on. A long time ago people killed them and used their flesh (for food) without any restrictions. But doing the same things with pets and wild animals is not right nowadays. I believe this opinion because of THE following reasons.

Firstly, to agree with eating wild animals' meat seems that we have accepted bad activities; it means that we are closing our eyes to damaging nature. As far as I know, many types of wild animals BECAME extinct because of hunting. That is why we are not able to see them again nowadays. So protecting wild animals is our responsibility. This mission could not only conserve plenty of nature, but this might also be what we could do for the future, for THE FOLLOWING generation. We should remember that natural resourceS ARE limited and any animals have existed with their own true reasons. This is the balance OF NATURE. So do not hunt any more animals, even though wild animals' meat is very delicious, it might bring a worse future to our posterity.

Secondly, in our current civilization, pets are subjects that should be protected as people recognize that pets also could be ones protected, even by law in some countries. It would be inhumanE TO KILL OR EAT our pets that we loved so much and were happy with. For example, when I was a child, I had a lovely dog. Actually, I was very interested in playing many games with him. Unfortunately, one day I found out that my dog had been stolen . This event made my familY feel sad for weeks, and worry about me because I had been sick and missed the dog.

Finally, in my opinion, killing animals and using their flesh is a bad judgment, except for animals that are REARED for meat only such as cows, pigs, sheep, and something like these so on.

Alan
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English as a Second Language
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[dragontv]

Thank Alan so much for correcting me.
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If there were no problems, there would be no opportunities.