TOEFL essay: Introduction about myself (Your help will be appreciated)

[Ahmksa]

My name is ahmksa. I live in Saudi Arabia, more specifically in the eastern region. I was born in 1979 in my lovely city, Alhasa and finished all my public learning their. Then, I took my bachelor degree from King Fahad Universities of Petroleum and Minerals in Dhahran with a computer science major. After my graduation from the university, I return to my hometown again and worked as an instructor in the college of technology for one year. After that, I joined the Arabian Oil Company in Dhahran. I have finished two years working on the company and started the third year before 4 months. My work environment language is English but I don't practice it too much specially in speaking because most of my colleagues in the work are Arab.

Why I am here now and what I want.
I have been selected by my company to take my master degree out of kingdom. For that reason, I am preparing to get approval from some universities which need either TOEFL or IELTS exam. I have searched through the Internet for books and exercises that help me to pass one of the exams with a good grade that qualify me to enter one of the good universities until I reach this fantastic forum.

I thought that the above two paragraphs needs a lot of correction and enhancement. So, Could you please help me guys in rewriting them with better and stronger English language.

Thanks,
ahmksa

[Alan]

HI,

My name is ahmksa. I live in Saudi Arabia, more specifically in the eastern region. I was born in 1979 in my lovely city, Alhasa and finished all my public learning their. Then, I took my bachelor degree AT King Fahad Universities of Petroleum and Minerals in Dhahran with a computer science major. After my graduation from the university, I return to my hometown again and worked as an instructor in the college of technology for one year. After that, I joined the Arabian Oil Company in Dhahran. I SPENT two years working on the company and started the third year before months ago. My work environment language is English but I don't practice it too much specially in speaking because most of my colleagues in the work are ArabS.

Why I am here now and what I want.
I have been selected by my company to take my master degree ABROAD. For that reason, I am preparing to get approval from some universities which need either TOEFL or IELTS exam. I have searched through the Internet for books and exercises that help me to pass one of the exams with a good grade that WOULD qualify me to enter one of the good universities until I reach this fantastic forum.

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Saying It Twice

[Ahmksa]

Thanks a lot Alan.

What is the approximate grade will you give for this essay?