TOEFL® Essay: Ways to reward employees

[Konstantin]

Hello!
Can you examine my essay and set hypothetical grade? I'm new in essay writing, so indicate the common errors.
Thank you.

Question:
Salary increases and promotions to new positions are not the only ways to reward employees for good work. What other rewards for good work can be effective in encouraging further good work? Use specific examples to support your response.

Answer:
Though salary increases and promotions to new positions are remained the main methods to reward employees, there are other effective means with the same purpose. I guess that improved holidays, mental and physical development and public recognition could provide additional motivation to functionaries.

The productivity of employee in the weekday depends on how he passed weekend. Since that, employer can affect their workers by improving their holidays. Will an employee give up the current job, if the boss gives him and his family the tickets for a group tour in exotic place? Additional holidays are also the method for awarding.

Everyone needs in mental and physical development. Professional trainings improve not only the skills of functionary, but also increase the level of his gratitude to the chief. Every employer needs in healthy workers, so he’s able to provide them free subscriptions to the fitness center, near the office. I’m confident that effect should be the same.

When employee is given a public recognition, he feels that he is on right career way. I suppose that annual greeting of best workers should encourage them for further good work. Memorable gifts, for instance expansive watch with boss signature, also won’t be unnecessary.

Since I’m an employee I’ve describe the positions, which I’m interested in. And I believe that all suggestions about holidays, personal evolution and public incentive could encourage workers for further good work.

[Prezbucky]

I've re-written it with corrections/suggestions added. I have not touched your style or message (content), if at all possible:

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Question:
Salary increases and promotions to new positions are not the only ways to reward employees for good work. What other rewards for good work can be effective in encouraging further good work? Use specific examples to support your response.

Answer:
Though salary increases and promotions to new positions are the main methods for rewarding employees, there are other effective means with the same purpose. Improved holidays, mental and physical development and public recognition could provide additional motivation to functionaries (consider using "associates" instead).

The productivity of an employee during the week depends, in some sense, on how he fared during the previous weekend. Given that, an employer can positively affect their employees' work by improving their weekends. Will an employee give up his current job if the boss gives him and his family tickets for a group tour in an exotic place? Additional holidays (consider: "days off") and company-paid excursions are two great ways to keep employees happy.

[The only problem is that a weekend is two days -- one cannot really go on vacation for two days. Half of the vacation would be spent on a plane (to get to that exotic destination). I would consider changing this paragraph to list the following methods: encouraging more paid days off -- which you have done -- and free tickets for tours/athletic games/movies or dinner coupons for employees and their families to use on the weekend.]

Everyone needs mental and physical development. Professional training improves not only the skills of an associate, but also increases the level of gratitude that an employee feels for his supervisor. Every employer needs healthy workers. Therefore, employers should give their employees free memberships to a nearby fitness center. I’m confident that the effect would be the same. (explain this last sentence)

When an employee is given public recognition, he feels that he is on the right track. Annual recognition for top workers would encourage them to keep doing good work. Memorable gifts -- for instance, an expensive watch with the boss's signature -- would also be a good method for showing the employee that his efforts are appreciated. Such plaudits and gifts would also serve to motivate non-winning employees to improve their output.

Since I’m an employee, I’ve describe the positions which I’m interested in. I believe that all suggestions about holidays, personal evolution and public incentive would encourage workers to keep doing good work and/or improve their output.
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Your ideas are excellent.
_________________
Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[Konstantin]

Thank you very much!!!
When I spoke about holidays, I meant annual leave. It was my mistake.
Your advices are VERY valuable.

[Prezbucky]

cool

Good luck.
_________________
Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[Torsten]

[Konstantin]

Thank you. Your advice about "advice" is also very valuable.