TOEFL® Essay: People are living longer now

[Tabby]

Hi,
Please I would really appreciate if you could review my essay.
I have my TOEFL on March 24,2007.Am very nervous.I dont know where i stand.How much should I improve...
Thanks,
Tabby

In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

Life is a nature’s gift to mankind. Human is dwelling on earth since millions of years. Our earth has seen immense transformation in man’s way of living. Certainly, people live longer now than they could live earlier as there has been splendid improvement in health services, remarkable discoveries of life saving drugs and people are becoming more health conscious.

Health services have been improving substantially all over the world day by day. Thus, checking out the problems of people related to health sooner and easily. For instance, functioning of hospitals and other medical providing services have increased a lot and a result of which people can reach them more conveniently. On the other hand, the scenario of hospitals and health clinics was not very bright in the past.

Significant discoveries of various life saving drugs also plays a pivotal role in making people live longer now. In the earlier days, vast number of people used to die every year due to deadly diseases like tuberculosis, cancer, cholera etc but scientists have successfully developed treatments for such diseases. An eminent breakthrough in scientific studies has declined the mortality rate, as it was not the case in yester years.

Nowadays, people have also become more health conscious as many spend a considerable time of their day in health clubs and gymnasiums. Exercise keeps one toned physically as well as mentally. Consequently, a person becomes less susceptible to any illness or stress and thus can spend a healthy life.

To summarize, an outstanding progress in science, a perceptible change in our medical system and our attitude is making us live longer.

[Alan]

Life is a NATURAL gift to mankind. HumanS HAVE BEEN dwelling on earth FOR millions of years. Our earth has seen immense transformation in man’s way of living. Certainly, people live longer now than they could live earlier as there has been A splendid improvement in health services, remarkable discoveries of life saving drugs and people are becoming more health conscious.

Health services have been improving substantially all over the world day by day. Thus, checking out the problems of people related to health sooner and MORE easily. For instance, functioning of hospitals and other medical providing services HAS increased a lot and AS a result people can reach them more conveniently. On the other hand, the scenario of hospitals and health clinics was not very bright in the past.

Significant discoveries of various life saving drugs also plays a pivotal role in making people live longer now. In earlier days, A vast number of people used to die every year due to deadly diseases like tuberculosis, cancer, cholera etc but scientists have successfully developed treatments for such diseases. A REMARKABLE breakthrough in scientific studies has REDUCED the mortality rate, as it was not the case in THE PAST.

Nowadays, people have also become more health conscious as many spend a considerable time of their day in health clubs and gymnasiums. Exercise keeps one toned physically as well as mentally. Consequently, a person becomes less susceptible to any illness or stress and thus can LIVE a healthy life.

To summarize, outstanding progress in science, a perceptible change in our medical system and our attitude is making us live longer.

Alan
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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Phrasal Verbs/go

[Tabby]

Thanks Alan!
Your review will be definitely of help.
-tabby