TOEFL essay: Some universities require students to take classes in many subjects

[joyfulkid]

Please could someone evaluate my essay, I just want to know what to practice in order to get better. Thank you in advance

Some universities require students to take classes in many subjects. Other universities require students to specialize in one subject. Which is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Being a well-versed person in the contemporary community is extremely rare and highly acknowledged. Most people try to concentrate on no more than one or two subjects or hobbies and this narrows their horizon. But on the other hand, when one is involved in too many extra curriculum hours he/she might not be able to focus enough on his/her classes and spends too many hours on hobbies without the possibility to evolve in one subject.
One of the things that distinguishes the university and college applicants from one another is the capability of getting fit to new surrounding, new teachers, friends, etc. That is why most of the universities do not just want their students to have good scores but also to be well educated and interested in many different classes. This is the reason why I think universities should require students to take classes in many subjects.

Throughout me whole childhood I have been interested in many subjects. Some of them were connected with school curriculum, others were artistic. Being able to do most of them I had the chance to gain knowledge in different spheres of the surrounding world. I have always considered that people should be interested in many subjects because in this way they can broaden their knowledge.

University is the place where we should practice the knowledge we have gained throughout the years. When we take different classes we have the opportunity to take advantage of our erudition and learn something new. On the other hand, too many curriculum hours might hinder our education. Sometimes we get lost in extra curriculums and do not pay attention to regular classes. That is why everything should be done with measure.
Competition and pressure most of the time do miracles. Thanks to them people crave for getting better, for evolving, enriching their knowledge. The institution such as a good university can give you this and the result is always good, because hard work always pays back one day.

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In General, People Are Living Longer Now. Discuss The Causes Of This Phenomenon.

I do not agree with that statement although at face value all the prerequisites for a longer life-expectancy exist nowadays. We live in a high-tech world where our life is facilitated no end. Numerous gadgets make our existence easier. The achievements of medicine are enormous and practically few diseases are fatal.

However, the life that people lead, despite all the advanced technologies, harms them. The rat race for a promotion, a higher salary and a higher position in the community results in stress. People, nowadays, forget to take a break and relax, to entertain themselves. To get free from pressure people instead of trying to relax, to have fun they start to smoke, drink and acquire other unhealthy habits. This does not do them any good - on the contrary, it makes them feel even worse. In addition to all the stress now they also have health problems.

There are plenty of examples which show us that the life we lead is unhealthy and ages us. Street traffic is not that safe anymore. People do not take time off to practise sport. Instead they eat fattening food, sleep less, entertain less. All the nervousness, all the greed turn people into criminals. With the lack of security we put ourselves in danger, at risk of destroying our future.
All the beauty of life now is gone. While trying to make our existence easier we have forgotten the simple things in our lives. Yes, we all have microwaves, computers,plasma televisions but it seems that they do us more harm instead of helping us to live longer and happier. People do not live longer now, people do not enjoy a healthier lifestyle and the worst thing is they do not realize that.

[joyfulkid]

PLease, anyone, my test date is this SAturday the 10th, and I just want to have an idea, where I am standing.......

[NinaZara]

Hello Joyfulkid,

I really am not the person to correct essay but overall I think you have very,very good ideas.

And I think you can benefit from being more careful with punctuation marks and the usage of a/the.

I can't say more but here's a tip, the people who are going to check your essays have read tonnes of books so you have to grab their attention. An essay full with great ideas would be more impressive than just a grammatically perfect one.

Have enough rest and be confident and do not worry so much. Good luck!

p/s: Trust me, it's just an exam and an exam won't kill you and what won't kill you will only make you stronger or a better essay writer
_________________
"Suara rakyat suara keramat." -Anwar Ibrahim.

[tabby]

Hi Joyfulkid,
Your ideas are good but I personally feel that in the second essay that is"People are living longer....".You are not supposed to state your opinion for or against the topic,but you need to discuss the causes of the fact that people are living longer now.
May be Alan/Torsten can correct me if I am wrong.
Thanks,
tabby