TOEFL Essay: A new factory near your community

[Konstantin]

Hello!
Could you revise my essay?

Question:
A company has announces that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

Answer:
Building of a factory noticeably changes the life of the neighboring community and these modifications would be not too good for me. Although I understand that many people need in job, which would be given by a new employer, I want to see the children playing on the clean air. So the advantages like new work places and advanced infrastructure are less important for me than contaminated environment.

The main cause of my anxiety is the increasing of environment pollution. Majority of plants provide the bad impact on the nature and people in the form of harmful gases and bad drains, which could cause the chronic diseases among nearby population, especially amongst the young children. There is another big pollution – noise. Is it good hearing the severe noise all day long? I don’t think so and most residents of my community think in the same manner.

Despite on such bad factors there will be some advantages for the neighboring community. New work places could give the job for the great amount of unemployed people, who aren’t able to find the appropriate work because of any reasons. If they functioned the total amount of poor men would decrease rabidly and community would be prosperous. Also, after the building of the factory, the infrastructure of the district will be improved and new stores, sport places and parks will be constructed.

Since I have a good job I don’t worry about searching another one, also I don’t need in additional shops and cinemas. But I really need in clean air and water and I don’t want to hear the tremendous noise all along. As a result my answer is “NO”.

[Alan]

Building a factory noticeably changes the life of the neighboring community and these modifications would be not too good for me. Although I understand that many people need A job, which would be given by a new employer, I want to see the children playing In the clean air. So the advantages like new work places and advanced infrastructure are less important for me than contaminated environment.

The main cause of my anxiety is the increasE IN environment pollution. THE Majority of plants provide A bad impact on nature and people in the form of harmful gases and bad drains, which could cause chronic diseases among THE LOCAL population, especially amongst the young children. There is another big pollution – noise. Is it good TO HEAR A LOUD noise all day long? I don’t think so and most residents of my community think in the same manner.

Despite such bad factors there will be some advantages for the neighboring community. New work places could give jobS for the great amount of unemployed people, who aren’t able to find appropriate work because of any reasons. If they OPERATED the total amount of poor men would decrease raPidly and THE community would be prosperous. Also, after the building of the factory, the infrastructure of the district will be improved and new stores, sport places and parks will be constructed.

Since I have a good job I don’t worry about LOOKING FOR another one, also I don’t need additional shops and cinemas. But I really need clean air and water and I don’t want to hear A tremendous noise all along. As a result my answer is “NO”.


Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Phrasal Verbs/run

[Hapi]

Hello, now Iam a student and my writing skill is not good. So, could you revise my essay?

A company has announced that it plans to build a large factory near your community. Do you support or oppose the plan? Explain your position.

It is said that there have been a company which wishes to construct a large factory near my community. This event inevitable brings many drawbacks as well as benefits for everyone.

It is obviously that building a large factory can affect a number of serious problems especially the local environment and life style. Firstly, this one will emit a lot of smog and contaminate the water source by chemical products such as: poisonous gas and liquid and even the radiation. Also, the noise from machinery and trucks of the factory will disturb the residents and result in mental depression and stress. Therefore, the pollutants may impact badly on local people's health, particularly on children.

On the other hand, it should be admitted that setting up a new factory will bring many benefits not only to individual but also the entire community. Initially, with the development of economy, it can create job opportunities for the local people and also make the unemployment rate decline. Thus, when people's income increases, they will spend more money on food, clothes leisure time. Certainly, living standard will be improved.

Furthermore, building a new factory means that other infrastructure and facilities including roads, restaurants, hotels and healthcare centers will be enhanced. As a consequence, people will be provided with many products as well as services in daily life. Not only that, taxation from the factory's operation will contribute a large part to the local authority's budget which can develop both the local society and economy.

In general speaking, a new factory will give many advantages to all people and enhance their living standard in every aspects of life. It is also a trend in the rapidly changing world. For all reasons above, I strongly support for constructing a factory in my community.