Grammar check: Personal introduction...

[youknowitsme]

This is a translated English script for a personal introduction some
Korean guy is scheduled to give tommorow.

While the expressions and the organization may have errors, I am
particularly interested in any grammatical mistakes.

I took the original Korean version and translated it, only to have someone
point out that my grammar is quite flawed. As if his not having pointed out
any such flaws was not offensive enough, he was quite patronizing...

Anyway, please

1) point out any grammar mistakes that are evident
2) suggest expressions one might use in the place of those I did, but only if the original expressions are awkward enough to justify replacing them
3) score the script on a scale of 1 to 10, strictly based on grammar.

The script is as follows:

You're all probably having a hard time coming to school because of the cold weather these days.

They say wearing warm clothes helps to prevent colds in weather like this.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I was born in February, 1983, in Gimhae, South Gyeongsang Province.

I spent my childhood in Seoul, then followed my parents'
business to Jeolla province, where I spent my teenage years.

My hobby is mountain climbing/hiking. I enjoy hiking because it gives me time to think and refreshes my mind.

I'm afraid I have no special skills that come to mind.

Mine is a family of three: my parents and myself.

I am an only child.

My parents both used to run their own businesses, but were
forced out of business by financial difficulties following the
Asian Financial Crisis.

Although I have an active personality and am able to maintain close
relationships with schoolmates, I tend to be quite shy when meeting people
for the first time.

However, I am not so timid that you would have a difficult time around me. Please don't let me make you uncomfortable.

I entered school in 2002. However, I left school for five years
due to personal reasons.

During these five years, I completed my military service and also
held a job at a company.

Feel free to ask me any questions you may have about military service.

As long as I have been away from school, I hope the remainder
of my college life will be rewarding and free of regret.

I would like to take this opportunity to ask you, my classmates, for any help you may be able to afford me.

Having learned English in a Korean high school, I lack confidence in my writing or speaking skills.

For this reason, I would like to end my personal introduction here,
before I embarass myself further.

Thank you for your attention.

[youknowitsme]

oh, btw thanks a bunch to whoever posts a response

[Conchita]

In my opinion, your text doesn't need editing at all, except for a typo at the end: 'embarrass'. At least, I couldn't find any grammar mistakes. Well done!

PS: There's only one 'm' in 'tomorrow'.

[Conchita]

As an afterthought, the following sentence bothers me, as I'm not sure I understand what it means. Could you please explain its intended meaning?

[youknowitsme]

As long as I have been away from school, I hope the remainder
of my college life will be rewarding and free of regret.

I'm glad you found this sentence, Conchita.
While in written English the grammar is definitely WRONG,
I've heard this type of sentence structure being used in spoken English.

the emphasis is on the 'long'
"As LONG as I have been away from school..."

The intended meaning would be something along the lines of:
"As I have been away from school for so long..."

I'm curious, though, whether anyone else has ever heard this kind of
sentence structure being used in spoken English.

Simon