Paragraph: 'A long time ago there lived a rich, good-looking king...'

[Tom]

Hi

Could you please read the passage given below and help me with my queries?

[Prezbucky]

1. A long time ago there lived a rich... (unless you're Yoda, you cannot use "lived there a rich...")

2. Both are okay, but I prefer "ruled Egypt".

3. There is nothing prior to this sentence that leads us to believe that his life would be anything other than luxurious/fabulous. Therefore, "Otherwise" does not fit here.

4. If having a son is something important in life, I would consider revising the second sentence.

Try something like, "He had everything that life could offer, except for a son."

...something like that, anyway.

I'll let someone else pitch in on the other sentences (or the two I checked), as I am currently in a jam at work.
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Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[Yankee]

Good morning, Tom. (It must be the wee hours of the morning where you are!)

1. No, you cannot change the word order to 'lived there'. There lived is a literary usage which is similar to the way 'there is/are' is used. You often find this usage in fairy tales: "Once upon a time there lived a ..."

2. Yes, you could use either one.

3. The word 'otherwise' is out of place. The sentence would flow better and seem more logical if 'all he needed was a son' came first.

4. A few observations:
I would reword 'married to four women with eight daughters'.
Instead of 'state affairs' you could write 'affairs of state'.

Amy

Edit:
Oops! Prezbucky was quicker. Sorry if some of my post is redundant.

[Prezbucky]

Nah, it's neat when people render almost exactly the same verdict, sans planning to do so.


_________________
Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[Tom]

Many, many thanks to both of you!

[Tom]

OK--please see this also. What about these two alternatives? Which one is better?

[Yankee]

Hi Tom

What about these:
All he needed was a son; he otherwise had everything that life could offer. (The word 'otherwise' can be placed in various places in the second part of the sentence.)
Although he otherwise had everthing that life could offer, he didn't have a son.

And this as a possible rewording:
The king's four wives had given him eight daughters but were not able to present him with the son he so desperately wanted.

Amy