Do you have jokes/riddles to share?

[Aereal]

From a little book called "Disorder in the Court"
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
_________________
my game is fair play

[NinaZara]

[Prezbucky]

Check out my blog:

http://prezbucky.blogspot.com/

This is not humor, per se. However, it is full of sarcasm and some dry humor. I probably need to edit them, but I meant it to be an informal site anyway.
_________________
Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[Jan]

Hi,
You may be interested that some of Bible parts were retranslated by Jan
( I have found some mistakes in previous translation ).

The story about Jesus Christ and his Apostles:

Jesus and his Apostles were traveling by boat then the rapid storm appeared on the lake , they were far away from shore and Saint Peter suddenly realized that their boat is to weak to stand against waves and they probably would die
Saint Peter said : My Lord we would sink...
Jesus : so weak is Your faith Peter ?
Peter : but my Lord our boat is full of water and we are taking more... we may sink.
Jesus : follow me and he has jumped over on surface and very cautiously has started to walk towards the beach.
Happy Apostles have jumped after him but all of them have started to sink on the spot.
Peter : My Lord we are sinking we are sinners our faith is to weak.
Jesus : Use the dolphins idiot ... You can't just walk on water !!!

Well the old Greek is very hard to translate I could do some mistakes
My apologizes
Your Faithful Jan

[Prezbucky]

BLASPHEMY!

(hehe -- that was funny)
_________________
Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[NinaZara]

Hey Tom,

I just bookmarked your blog and read the ketchup thing. There's a word that I didn't understand but I think it's a type of food.

Btw, why blue?and it's really similar to this page, the colour I mean...hehe...you like blue? or coincidence?

Nina
_________________
Try your best and damn the rest.

[NinaZara]

Hello everyone,

Here is something from my personal experience.

For Chemistry lesson in high school all lectures were conducted in the lab and we sat at a big square table that accommodates 6 students. And on one very hot afternoon, I was very sleepy and I hate sleeping in the class so I made small pieces of paper and wrote down 3 characters: 3 victims, a robber and a police. This was a game we played back then when we were bored. So every one of us picked the small papers and I got the police part. Then, every victim will say out loud (not very loud because the teacher will hear) their part and as a police I have to be quick to catch the robber by hitting him/her. This may sounds boring but it was fun to play. The anticipation of guessing the robber, I guess.

Anyway, I was so into it and I hit my friend with my cloth pencil case by throwing it to him, without realizing that my teacher was observing my behavior and suddenly I heard my teacher yelling, “Aslina! Datang depan!”(Aslina, come to the front!)

“Oh my..”, was all I said.

So I went to the front of the class and after a minute or so of scolding and disciplining, I was sent to stand out of the class the whole period.The whole period!(She didn't know all of us were playing a game and I didn’t dare rat on my friends.) I was very, very, very, embarrassed. Only God knew how much.

Anyway, the teacher said something that I feel like laughing when I reminisce this and sort of proud of.

She said,“Class, the OUTstanding student.”
_________________
Try your best and damn the rest.

[Pamela]

Nina, that was really amazing. Is Aslina your last name or...?

[NinaZara]

Malays do not have last name, that's my real, as in official name. My mom wanted to name me Nina (after an actress I think ) but my father preferred Arabic name, so that's the official one but family and friends call me Nina.
_________________
Try your best and damn the rest.

[Pamela]

I see. To tell the truth, I thought Nina was your real name. I have quite a few Ninas friends. But Aslina is really a very beautiful name!!!

[NinaZara]

Nina is my real name, Pamela. I feel weird when people call me Aslina.But thanks for the compliment, I'll tell the giver of the name you like it.
_________________
Try your best and damn the rest.

[Conchita]

Here's another riddle for you (hope it's not too easy):

'Mine was the strangest birth under the sun;
I left the womb, yet life had not begun;
Entered the world, and yet was seen by none.'

[Aereal]

Conchita, thanks for a riddle - the more tough like that - the better
i'm sure i'm wrong, but anyway, there was a movie from BBC about certain insects who appear each 17 years: their "larvae" fall from the trees on the earth (left the womb...), and they are born underground afterwards (seen by none)
_________________
my game is fair play

[Prezbucky]

Nina,

Blue is my favorite color (not that shade of blue, but I wouldn't go with a royal-blue background).

What word in "The Plight of Ketchup" did you not get?

---------------

Conchita

The answer to your riddle is this:

Adam
_________________
Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[Conchita]

Aereal and Tom,

Nice try, buy try again (your answers aren't bad at all, though!).