Do you have jokes/riddles to share?

[NinaZara]

Hello forumers,

I watch a lot of American TV shows and movies and sometimes I didn't get the part I was suppose to laugh.

So I verily hope to hear some (jokes or riddles) from the forumers and see whether I can challenge myself to tell a joke from my background in English (and see whether English-spoken people get them or not).

Any takers?

Nina

[Jamie (K)]

An ancient joke from the early 20th century or before. I used to make my linguistics students diagram the two possible structures that cause the misunderstanding.

HOTEL GUEST: Call me a taxi!
PORTER: Okay. You're a taxi!

Unfortunately, a lot of my favorite jokes are unfit for this forum, but I'll try to think of some more.

[Yankee]

How about this funny headline:

Super Caley go Ballistic, Celtic are Atrocious

[Prezbucky]

This guy walks into his psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but Saran-Wrap underwear.

The doctor walks in and says, "I can clearly see you're nuts."

(say it to yourself and you'll get the double-meaning. In typing it, I had to make a choice.)

---------------------------------

If you speak my name, I cease to exist.

What am I?
_________________
Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[Rosalisa]

Hi,

Fleeble is bigger than the universe.
Some rich people want to have fleeble.
Poor people have fleeble.
If we eat fleeble, we will die.
What is Fleeble?
_________________
If you want to change the world, be one of the change.

[NinaZara]

Thanks guys.

I really don't know the answers for the riddles, but if other forumers have the answers, let's share them ok.

Anyway, let me try.

Tom's :

[Conchita]

[Conchita]

[Conchita]

[Rosalisa]

Hi Conchita,

Please have another try. I have a clue for you. It's all about quantity.

Hi Nina (Your name is like one of my friends' names. )

So, Nina, please think about the clue.
_________________
If you want to change the world, be one of the change.

[Conchita]

[Yankee]

[Jamie (K)]

NinaZara, here's one I saw on TV:

BUCK: Is it true your sister is marrying and X-ray doctor?
ROY: Yeah! He's the only one who can see anything in her!

I love jokes from old Borsht Belt comedians. When I was a kid I thought they were stupid, but now I think they're funny.

Here are some one-liners from a now-deceased Borsht Belt comedian named Henny Youngman:

The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do?" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

A bum came up to me saying "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You should force yourself!"

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The woman opens the door. "Where do you want these blinds, lady?"

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

[Conchita]

[Rosalisa]

Hi Conchita...

It's...please have another try...it's exactly bigger than the universe...
_________________
If you want to change the world, be one of the change.