TOEFL® essay sample: Many people visit museums when they travel to new places

[Bill06]

Please correct my first writting, thanks in advance.

Topic: Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Musems are filled with a lot of things that showing the history, culture and economy of a place, so it is important thing to know a place by visiting the museums in an area. That is why many people like to visit museums when they travel to there.

Firstly, musuem could give a clear picture of the history of a place. The museums collect a lot of stuff and put them in order to show the history of a place. The information such as when the place began to be hibitated and what events had happed. People could easily get these information and these information may be very important for travelers, because of the main purpose for most travellers is to know the history of a place that interests them.

Secondly, museum exhibts a lot of things showing their culture in this place. The things like food, clothes and entertainment could be found in museum. From visiting the museum, travellers could learn a lot of things about the culture of a place.

Lastly, people can also learn the economy of a place from their visiting musuem. The main economic things, such as products, factories, company, etc. can all be seen in a musuem and the musem give people a fast and whole impression of a place.

In conclusion, travelling is to increase knowledge and visiting museum is a practical way to give people a whole and fast view of a place and that why people like to visit museums when they travel a place.

[Alan]

Musems are filled with a lot of things showing the history, culture and economy of a place, so it is important to know a place by visiting the museums in an area. That is why many people like to visit museums when they travel there.

Firstly, musuem could give a clear picture of the history of a place. The museums collect a lot of stuff and put IT in order to show the history of a place. The information such as when the place began to be INHAbitated and what events had happeNEd. People could easily get thIS information and thIS information may be very important for traveLlers, because of the main purpose for most travellers is to know the history of a place that interests them.

Secondly, A museum exhibts a lot of things showing their culture in this place. The things like food, clothes and entertainment could be found in A museum. From visiting the museum, travellers could learn a lot of things about the culture of a place.

Lastly, people can also learn the economy of a place from their visiting A musuem. The main economic things, such as products, factories, company, etc. can all be seen in a musuem and the musem giveS people a fast and whole impression of a place.

In conclusion, travelling increaseS knowledge and visiting A museum is a practical way to give people a whole and fast view of a place and that'S why people like to visit museums when they travel TO a place.

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story A New Season