TOEFL essay samples: Teenagers have jobs while they are still students

[Bill06]

Please correct my writing, thanks in advance.

Teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea?

In some countries, teenage has job when they are students. I think that it is not good for teenage student to have a job. I believe this is because that it would affect their education, harm their health and cause some social problems.

Firstly, it affects a student’s education if a student has a job. For receiving a good education, a students should spend a lot of time on it, especially today, the knowledge is exploring. So if a student wants to receive enough education, he or she should spend whole their time on studying. If a student has to work while he or she is at studying, it must occupy a lot of his time and limits the time spending on study.

Secondly, having a job for teenage would hurt their health. Working is stressful from both mental and physical sides. To hold a job, you should be on time as scheduled, have to finish assigned tasks and to solve the problems that come out with your job. Teenage has not become mature enough to endure this kind of pressure, thus it may affect their health.

Lastly, teenage working is not good for a community. The job positions are limited for a society, if the teenage takes a part of job opportunities, some adults would lose their job. The jobless adults may become alcoholic or depressed, which may harm the social stability.

In conclusion, I think that teenage has a job is not a good thing. Their education and health may be affected and also it is harmful for a society because it may cause more jobless adults.

[Alan]

In some countries, teenageRS haVE jobS when they are students. I think that it is not good for teenage student to have a job. I believe this is because it would affect their education, harm their health and cause some social problems.

Firstly, it affects a student’s education if a student has a job. For receiving a good education, students should spend a lot of time on it, especially today, the knowledge is exploring??. So if a student wants to receive enough education, he or she should spend THE whole time on studying. If a student has to work while he or she is at studying, it must occupy a lot of his time and limits the time spenTon study.

Secondly, having a job for teenageRS would hurt their health. Working is stressful from both mental and physical sides. To hold a job, you should be on time as scheduled, have to finish assigned tasks and to solve the problems that come out with your job. A teenageR has not become mature enough to endure this kind of pressure, thus it may affect their health.

Lastly, teenage working is not good for a community. The job positions are limited IN a society, if the teenageR takes a part of job opportunities, some adults would lose their job. The jobless adults may become alcoholic or depressed, which may harm the social stability.

In conclusion, I think that IF A teenageR has a job IT is not a good thing. Their education and health may be affected and also it is harmful for society because it may cause more jobless adults.


Alan
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English as a Second Language
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