TOEFL® essay: Some people think that they can learn better by themselves than...

[Vika_S]

Hello Alan.
Please correct my essay. I am not sure that there is no mistake in it. Thank you. :)

Some people think that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it is always better to have a teacher. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.

Needless to say that nowadays people have two approaches to the problem of additional studies. While some believe that the best way to improve their knowledge in any subject is to study with the private teacher, others are opposed to learn by themselves.

From a purely theoretical perspective, additional lessons with private teachers should bring faster and better results. Indeed, a big amount of solvent people choose this way of extra education for their children. The main point here is that teacher is a reliable person who has a high standard of knowledge. Hence, teacher can help student to develop his skills and knowledge in a certain subject. Therefore, this argument is logically sound.

On the contrary, lots of people today still prefer to learn themselves and they consider it even better than studying with private teachers. At first it seems that this argument doesn't hold water. However, poor people are not able to afford a private teacher to their children. Consequently, poor people do not have any choice, they have to learn themselves.

One should say also about desire for knowledge. Strictly saying, any student can achieve high results in studying and not only in studying because of hard work. For instance, student who has additional studies with private teachers may not have big desire to increase his knowledge and experience, while student who learns himself without any teacher, will achieve good results in education and, consequently, excellent preparation for his or her future career. Therefore, I believe that one of the most important items of success in education is hard work.

[Alan]

IT IS needless to say that nowadays people have two approaches to the problem of additional studies. While some believe that the best way to improve their knowledge in any subject is to study with A private teacher, others are opposed to learnING by themselves.
From a purely theoretical perspective, additional lessons with private teachers should bring faster and better results. Indeed, a LARGE NUMBER of solvent people choose this way of extra education for their children. The main point here is that A teacher is a reliable person who has a high standard of knowledge. Hence, A teacher can help A student to develop his skills and knowledge in a certain subject. Therefore, this argument is logically sound.
On the contrary, lots of people today still prefer to learn themselves and they consider it even better than studying with private teachers. At first it seems that this argument doesn't hold water. However, poor people are not able to afford a private teacher FOR their children. Consequently, poor people do not have any choice, they have to learn themselves.
One should ALSO say about THE desire for knowledge. Strictly SPEAKING, any student can achieve high results in studying and not only in studying because of hard work. For instance, A student who has additional studies with private teachers may not have A big desire to increase his knowledge and experience, while A student who learns BY himself without any teacher, will achieve good results in education and, consequently,AN excellent preparation for his or her future career. Therefore, I believe that one of the most important items of success in education is hard work.


Alan
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English as a Second Language
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[Vika_S]

Thank you veru much Alan. You`ve been most helpful