TOEFL Essay: Most important room in a house

[Konstantin]

Hello!
Question:
What do you consider to be the most important room in a house? Why is this room more important to you than any other room? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Answer:
I guess that the bedroom is the most significant room in a house. Everyone needs in the private bedroom, his personal possession. My bedroom is very important for me because I spend much time here, have all necessary things close to me and many memories, related with this peace of the house.

Obviously, we spend the great amount of time in our bedrooms. I don’t only sleep here but also study and work quite often. It’s very important for me to have relaxation in my cosy nook after the hard working day. I could simply read a book, see movie or enjoy the beautiful sight from the window.

All necessary things, which I use in my daily life, are in my bedroom. I have a good bed to sleep and see incredible dreams. I have a computer here, which helps me during my education process. I also have a piano in my bedroom, despite the fact that it takes up much space, and I could improve my musical skills in any time. I enjoy such room because it’s possible to work and study everywhen, not disturbing other relatives.

Finally, there are many commemorations from my childhood, which are related with that room. I have remembered the blur looms of my first steps and smiles on my parents’ faces. I have kept in mind how I played here with my first serious toy – plastic constructor. My first touch of the piano and computer keyboards in my bedroom also will never go away from my memory.

I believe that the bedroom is the most intimate place in everyone’s life. It stands to reason that we not only spend much time there, practicing favorite activities, but also have beautiful memories and all necessary things in that part of our habitation.

[Alan]

I guess that the bedroom is the most significant room in a house. Everyone needs A private bedroom, his personal possession. My bedroom is very important for me because I spend A LOT OF time here, have all necessary things close to me and many memories, related with this peace of the house.

Obviously, we spend A great amount of time in our bedrooms. I don’t only sleep here but also study and work quite often. It’s very important for me to have relaxation in my cosy nook after the hard working day. I could simply read a book, see A movie or enjoy the beautiful VIEW from the window.

All THE necessary things which I use in my daily life are in my bedroom. I have a good bed to sleep IN and HAVE incredible dreams. I have a computer here, which helps me during my education process. I also have a piano in my bedroom, despite the fact that it takes up A LOT OF space, and I CAN improve my musical skills AT any time. I enjoy THIS room because it’s possible to work and study WHENEVER I LIKE, not disturbing other relatives.

Finally, there are many MENORIES from my childhood, which are CONNECTED with that room. I have remembER the (blur looms???) of my first steps and smiles on my parents’ faces. I have kept in mind how I played here with my first serious toy –A plastic constructor. My first touch of the piano and computer keyboards in my bedroom also will never go away from my memory.

I believe that the bedroom is the most intimate place in everyone’s life. It stands to reason that we not only spend much time there, practicing favorite activities, but also have beautiful memories and all necessary things in that part of our HOUSE.

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story 'the' vs. 'a/an'

[Konstantin]

Thank you very much Alan! Happy Easter!
1)Blur loom - I meant the unclear recollections.
2)Why should I use remembER instead remembered?
3)Is the habitation too formal word?
4)Could I use expression "a lot of" both for abstract matters(time) and concrete matters(books)?
5)How are the words "wiev" and "sight" distinguished in the meaning.