TOEFL essay: I know every person is scared of something

[rongconrangsun]

I know every person is scared of something. Perhaps, somebody couldn't accept their fear because accepting their fear means showing their weakness to everybody, but for that reason, they become stronger in their characteristics. And I'm one of those people, moreover, I grow up as the first child in my family, I always have to protect all my younger brothers with sisters and perform as I'm the bravest before them. However, I have my own fear. When I have time to think about my future, I suddenly try to get that thinking out of my mind, I'm afraid of seeing my future. I know that many scientists on the world dream to invent a machine that could help human see their future. I believe that machine would become my most frightening dream. As I could see my future, I could have to get over the sadness to look my beloved family members pass away, or I could have to feel the loneliness when my old age comes, which are feelings I'm sure nobody would like to feel before they really come. Terribly, I would see the accidents and diseases I would get in my future when I don't know how to change those cases, and I can't stand feeling hopeless to overcome my difficulties. Otherwise, if I knew I would fail to get my goal, I would be disappointed with trying my best at current time. In contrast, if I were successful, I might be lazy and surely not to study as hard as I am being now, or I have no encouragement to pursue my goal due to knowing I would be successful no matter what I'm doing now. Because my fear of seeing my future comes from my feeling of worry, I can't control myself to overcome as I can with other real fears such as being afraid of hurt, being alone or sound of lightning. As a result, I never want to face my most frightening fear which is being forced to look into my future before it really comes.

[Alan]

I know every person is scared of something. Perhaps, somebody couldn't accept their fear because accepting their fear means showing their weakness to everybody, but for that reason, they become stronger in their CHARACTER. And I'm one of those people, moreover, I grow up as the first child in my family, I always have to protect all my younger brothers with sisters and perform as IF I'm the bravest before them. However, I have my own fear. When I have time to think about my future, I suddenly try to get that thinking out of my mind, I'm afraid of seeing my future. I know that many scientists In the world dream OF inventING a machine that could help humanS see their future. I believe that machine would become my most frightening dream. As I could see my future, I WOULD have to get over the sadness AT WATCHING my beloved family members pass away, or I WOULD have to feel the loneliness when my old age comes, which are feelings I'm sure nobody would like to feel before they really come. Terribly, I would see the accidents and diseases I would get in my future when I don't know how to change those cases, and I can't stand feeling hopeless to overcome my difficulties. Otherwise, if I knew I would fail to REACH my goal, I would be disappointed with trying my best at THE current time. In contrast, if I were successful, I might be lazy and DEFINITELY not study as hard as I am DOING now, or I have no encouragement to pursue my goal due to knowing I would be successful no matter what I'm doing now. Because my fear of seeing my future comes from my feeling of worry, I can't control myself to overcome as I can with other real fears such as being afraid of BEING hurt, being alone or THE sound of THUNDER??. As a result, I never want to face my most frightening fear which is being forced to look into my future before it really comes.

Alan
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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Prepositions