TOEFL essay: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon...

[Bubblysang]

Hie Alan,

I am new to this site. My toefl is on May12th and i am very poor in writing section. Can you please read this essay which i wrote and give tour opinion.

In the present generation young adults prefer to liv eindependantly.They are mor einterested in learning to live an dlead an independant life.They feel that when they live with their parents,their parents restrict them from doing athings which they want to do and from behaving the way the young want to behave.So they start to live independantly as they want their own privacy some live independantly as not to be a burden to their parents and to explore and to know the world on their own to earn their living an dto handle money from their own hands not depending on their parents.

There are also a few instances when the young have to live independantly that is when they gett their admission in another college which is in another place or farther from their house so they take an apt nearby to their college to save time from traveeling to great distances.But living independantly has a few disadvantagesa sit may lead to irresponsible behaviour like coming to their roonm late after having a partyy or something even though they did not complete their homework or college nextday.There is no one to restrict to tell them who is allowed to come and go into their apt.They will have a sense of freedom to do things that hey shouldn ot dolike drinking,smoking,drugs,etc as they are no parents to restrict them.

But in the past even a few young adults in the present generation,young adults lived with their parents fro a longer time.Even afetr marriage they live with their parents as a combined family and share their earning swith their whole family.A few young adults who live with their parents become irresponsible as they feel that their parents are supporting them and fulfill all their needs so they no need to work.They are a few who feel that their dreems are suppressed when they live with their parents as their parentsa have some expectations from their children,so the adult supress his/her dream in order to fulfill their parents dream.But supreesing their dreams will lead to conflicts which in turn will lead to dis integration of tehir family thereby the young adults start to live independantly.

Therefore there are both advantages as well as disadvantages of living independantly as well as living with their parents. In my opinion I think that the young adult can live independantly when he/she reachesa certain age and is matured enough to understand and to be on his/her own and wants privacy,then only can he/she can start to live independantly

Thank you so much. Please do reply back.
Sangeetha.

[Alan]

In the present generation young adults prefer to livE independEntly.They are morE interested in learning to live anD lead an independEnt life.They feel that when they live with their parents,their parents restrict them from doing things which they want to do and from behaving the way the young want to behave.So they start to live independEntly as they want their own privacy some live independEntly as not to be a burden to their parents and to explore and to know the world on their own to earn their living anD to handle money from their own hands not depending on their parents.

There are also a few instances when the young have to live independEntly that is when they get their admission in another college which is in another place or farther from their house so they take an apARTMENTt nearby to their college to save time from trave(L)ling to great distances.But living independEntly has a few disadvantages AS it may lead to irresponsible behaviour like coming to their roonm late after having a party or something even though they did not complete their homework or college next day.There is no one to restrict OR to tell them who is allowed to come and go into their apt.They will have a sense of freedom to do things that They shouldn do like drinking,smoking,drugs,etc as they are no parents to restrict them.

But in the past even a few young adults in the present generation,young adults lived with their parents fOR a longer time.Even AFTER marriage they live with their parents as a combined family and share their earningS with their whole family.A few young adults who live with their parents become irresponsible as they feel that their parents are supporting them and fulfill all their needs so they HAVE no need to work.TheRE are a few who feel that their dreAms are suppressed when they live with their parents as their parents have some expectations from their children,so the adult supressES his/her dream in order to fulfill their parents dream.But supreesing their dreams will lead to conflicts which in turn will lead to disintegration of THEIR family thereby the young adults start to live independEntly.

Therefore there are both advantages as well as disadvantages of living independEntly as well as living with their parents. In my opinion I think that the young adult can live independEntly when he/she reaches a certain age and is mature enough to understand and to be on his/her own and wants privacy,then only can he/she can start to live independEntly

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story A day in the life of a policeman

[Bubblysang]

thank u so much Alan for reviewing my essay.

[Bubblysang]

thank u once again for your corrections.But please can you give me your opinion Alan.It would be nice for me to know your opinion.thank u .