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exertion of force; application of weight; weight; burden; encumbrance
pressure
innocent
travel
preference
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Help For The Poem...



 
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ESL Forums | English Vocabulary, Grammar and Idioms
Use of often in interrogative sentences | The meaning of "what's news"?
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Help For The Poem... #1 (permalink) Fri Apr 20, 2007 21:19 pm   Help For The Poem...
 


Anyone can check the poem please?

Do not think that i don’t know
The rules of the games
But i don’t prefer
I have tried,i didn’t get taste
I am waiting till happens

Make me cry,it suits(?) you
Human this ,of course gets used to this too
You are my fu ck up anyway
Go!!!your going is my rescue

Does the love die reason pride?
Can flower grow up without rain ?
A few words ,a last looking
You are going to unknown adventures
From my heart
Volcano1985
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 417

Help For The Poem... #2 (permalink) Sat Apr 21, 2007 2:07 am   Help For The Poem...
 

.
The obscenity is terribly out of register with the rest of your poem.
Capitalize the first person singular subject personal pronoun.
'Please' is spelt thus; it is rude to abbreviate a courtesy.
Your poem has no consistent meter or rhythm.
.
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Help For The Poem... #3 (permalink) Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:38 am   Help For The Poem...
 

Hi,

A good test to see whether your piece stands up and has legs is to explain to another person what exactly you mean line by line. If you make any headway with that, I would then rewrite the whole thing.

Alan
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Help For The Poem... #4 (permalink) Sat Apr 21, 2007 11:09 am   Help For The Poem...
 

Mister Micawber wrote:
.
The obscenity is terribly out of register with the rest of your poem.
Capitalize the first person singular subject personal pronoun.
'Please' is spelt thus; it is rude to abbreviate a courtesy.
Your poem has no consistent meter or rhythm.
.


I didn't want you to say any comment.Also this is not my poem.Anyway thanks
Volcano1985
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 417

Help For The Poem... #5 (permalink) Sat Apr 21, 2007 11:10 am   Help For The Poem...
 

Alan wrote:
Hi,

A good test to see whether your piece stands up and has legs is to explain to another person what exactly you mean line by line. If you make any headway with that, I would then rewrite the whole thing.

Alan


Ok
Volcano1985
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 417

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