TOEFL essay: In a family who should work? Wife or husband? If both work what...

[bubblysang]

Hi Alan,

Thank you for giving your opinion about the previous topic.Can you please review my essay and give me your opinion.

In a family who should work ? Wife or husband? If both work what are the advantages or dis-advantages.

In the past,woman had no equal rights to man.Man had the maximum rights to do work.Work was done only by husband.Husband was the head of the house and had all the authority as he was the only person earning in the house.All the house members had to agree and obey his rules and regulations.It was considered inappropriate for a wife to work.The main duties of the wife was mainly to look after the house,household,children and to cook and keep the house in perfect running condition.She had to socialize with other house wives and families to keep a goodwill in the society.If a wife worked it was considered that the women have started to dominate an dthat the husband has lost his dignity in the house.people start to look at the family with strange stares and start to gossip around.

But slowly the trend has changed.Changes have taken place in the society and the way the life of the family has changed.In the present husband and wife both are working.It has become common in a household to see both working.To meet the financial needs of their family they both need to work.In the present the prices of goods as well as services has increased drastically. To meet these necessities the high costs only the earnings of teh husband is not enough. Therfore wife starts to work. to satisfy the desires of their children and to make them study the earnings of one person is not enough and both have to work. if only the husband works onlythe basic needs can be satisfied but if both work atleast maximum of teh needs can be satisfied.

In the present woman is given equal rights to man.she is being treated as equals to man. even the husband is encouraging their wife to do work.To fulfill the needs of their children and to save for the future husband and wife has to work. In todays generation woman are more advanced in all fields running hand in hand with the men, in technology, science, space, etc. They ar ebeing treated as equals to men.

Therfore there are more advantages than disadvantages if both husband and wife work basing on today's generation.

[Alan]

In the past A woman DIDN'T HAVE THE SAME equal rights AS A man. A Man had the maximum rights to do work. Work was done only by A husband. THE husband was the head of the house and had all the authority as he was the only person earning in the house. All the house members had to agree and obey his rules and regulations. It was considered inappropriate for a wife to work. The main duties of the wife wERE mainly to look after the house, THE household, THE children and to cook and keep the house in perfect running ORDER. She had to socialize with other housewives and families to keep goodwill in the society. If a wife worked it was considered that women haD started to dominate and that the husband haD lost his dignity in the house. People startED to look at the family with strange stares and startED to gossip ABOUT THEM .

But slowly the trend has changed. Changes have taken place in the society and the way the life of the family has changed. AT present husband and wife both are working. It has become common in a household to see both working. To meet the financial needs of their family they both need to work.AT present the prices of goods as well as services haVE increased drastically. To meet the DEMANDS OF high costs the earnings of THE husband ALONE ARE not enough. Therfore THE wife starts to work. To satisfy the desires of their children and to make them study, the earnings of one person ARE not enough and both have to work. if only the husband works only the basic needs can be satisfied but if both work at least MOST of THE needs can be satisfied.

AT present A woman is given equal rights WITH man. She is being treated as equal to man. Even the husband is encouraging HIS wife to do work.To fulfill the needs of their children and to save for the future, husband and wife haVE to work. In today's generation womEn are more advanced in all fields running hand in hand with men, in technology, science, space, etc. They are being treated as equal to men.

Therfore there are more advantages than disadvantages if both husband and wife work basED on today's generation.

You need to check that the subject and the verb agree - singular subject = singular verb. Start your sentences with a capital letter and have a look again at the tenses I've changed.

Alan
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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Relative Pronoun

[bubblysang]

Thank you so much Alan for reviewing my essay.It is helping me a lot.