My reply to a business email

[Velectro]

Hello,

I don't know if this is the right forum for this request, anyway I would appreciate a discussion about this 2° business mail that I write because I hadn't recived a reply to my first, in wich I proposed some phone meeting suitable dates.

[Mister Micawber]

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Hello Vincenzo. I can fix your email (see below), but I think that your original is understandable, and there may be some other reason for no confirmation-- perhaps the wrong address? Or the recipient is out of town or no longer interested?

In any case, corrections:

Dear xxx,

With reference to my mail “Re: xxx” of May 1st, I haven’t received a response, so I apologize if the proposed date for the phone appointment was too imminent.

Now I’m writing to propose new suitable dates over the next two weeks:

- from 4th to 12th May would be suitable to have a phone conversation from 12:00 noon (Cambridge time).
- from 14th to 19th May would be suitable from 1:00 p.m. (Cambridge time).

If you wish, I could call you during an evening in the next two weeks instead.

Could you please confirm receipt of this message? I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Vincenzo xxx
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_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Lost_Soul]

Hi, Mister Micawber

[Mister Micawber]

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It is more polite and businesslike.
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_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Velectro]

Thanks,
Dear Mr. Micawber, please let me know if I can do this type of new thread, I think that is important to learn how to write business mail, refering to TOEIC too.
I'd like to analyze with you the change you made in oreder to improve my writing skills.

1 - I noticed that you use an upper case "With", is a general rule, must I ever use an upper case letter at beginning of a business letter?
2 - Why you change "Then I'm writing" to "Now I'm writing"
3 - Why you use "new suitable dates OVERS"
4 - Why form 12:00 noon and not 12:00 am

Have you any suggest for improve my specific business speak/write skills. Would be really useful for me understand if I'm writing or saying something businesslike or not.

Thanks
Vincenzo

[Mister Micawber]

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1 - I noticed that you use an upper case "With", is a general rule, must I ever use an upper case letter at beginning of a business letter? -- Capital letters always begin a sentence.

2 - Why you change "Then I'm writing" to "Now I'm writing" -- You should write as you speak-- in the present moment. If your meaning was 'therefore', then use 'therefore', because 'then' meaning 'as a consequence' does not begin a sentence; it is ambiguous in that position.

3 - Why you use "new suitable dates OVERS" -- I used 'over', which means 'in the course of; during'.

4 - Why form 12:00 noon and not 12:00 am -- 'AM' and 'PM' are confusing at best and meaningless as well when applied to exactly 12:00. Always use 'noon' and 'midnight'-- especially when communicating globally. I frankly do not care for anyone else's opinion on this point; 'midnight' and 'noon' are the only unequivocal forms, and should always be used.

Generally, to appear businesslike: avoid contractions, phrasal verbs and slang. There are other cautions too numerous to mention.
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_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Muhammad201]

I had written a complaint about my Incorrectly Name and CNIC as well. But if no response from there.

Okay... I'm writing a letter about my Complaint but as a confirmation.

With reference to email Re: June 17, 2011, I haven't yet not received a confirmation about my Below Request either it is updated or not.
I have still received Insurance Related Doc ( cover letter & Catch Card) from the Insurance Company. and my Name's spelling & Identity Card Number shown as:
Name: Muhamamd Shoaib Rasool instead of Muhammad Shoaib Rasool.
CNIC: 37405-1507676-0 instead of 37405-1507676-9

Kindly let me know and confirm it, if the record is updated. Kindly my request is forward to Insurance Company for My Record Correction. and Issue a new/Renewal Card.

Your Early Response would be appreaciated.

Regards,
...................

..................................................................
*****please reply about my letter that I wrote ..******

[Mister Micawber]

I have underlined some problems. Please fix them and post your revision.

With reference to email Re: June 17, 2011, I haven't yet not received a confirmation about my Below Request either it is updated or not.
I have still received Insurance Related Doc ( cover letter & Catch Card) from the Insurance Company. and my Name's spelling & Identity Card Number shown as:
Name: Muhamamd Shoaib Rasool instead of Muhammad Shoaib Rasool.
CNIC: 37405-1507676-0 instead of 37405-1507676-9

Kindly let me know and confirm it, if the record is updated. Kindly my request is forward to Insurance Company for My Record Correction. and Issue a new/Renewal Card.

Your Early Response would be appreaciated.

Regards,
_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Muhammad201]

With reference to my mail June 17, 2011, I haven't yet received a confirmation about my below request either it is updated or not.
I have still received insurance related documents ( cover letter & catch card) from the insurance company. and my name's spelling & CNIC shown as:
Name: Muhamamd Shoaib Rasool instead of Muhammad Shoaib Rasool.
CNIC: 37405-1507676-0 instead of 37405-1507676-9

Kindly let me know and confirm it, if the record is updated. Kindly my request is forward to Insurance Company for My Record Correction. and Issue a new card.

Your early response would be appreciated.

****Now check*****
Sir,
kindly write letter in own words (same as above letter) ..........

[Mister Micawber]

I have underlined remaining problems:

With reference to my mail June 17, 2011, I haven't yet received a confirmation about my below request either it is updated or not. I have still received insurance related documents (cover letter & catch card) from the insurance company. and my name's spelling & CNIC shown as:

Name: Muhamamd Shoaib Rasool instead of Muhammad Shoaib Rasool.
CNIC: 37405-1507676-0 instead of 37405-1507676-9

Kindly let me know and confirm it, if the record is updated. Kindly my request is forward to Insurance Company for My Record Correction. and Issue a new card. Your early response would be appreciated.
_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Muhammad201]

With reference to my mail June 17, 2011, I haven't yet received a confirmation about my request whether it is updated or not. I am still receiving insurance related documents (cover letter & catch card) from the insurance company. and my name's spelling & CNIC expose as:

Name: Muhamamd Shoaib Rasool instead of Muhammad Shoaib Rasool.
CNIC: 37405-1507676-0 instead of 37405-1507676-9

Kindly let me know and confirm. If the record is updated. Kindly forward my request to insurance company for necessary amendment. and issue a new card. Your early response would be appreciated.

*****Sir, check now******

[Mister Micawber]

Good morning. Much better, Muhammad. I have fixed the rest:

With reference to my mail of June 17, 2011, I haven't yet received confirmation about my request to update my records. I am still receiving insurance-related documents (cover letter & catch card) from the insurance company, and my name & CNIC are still listed as:

Name: Muhamamd Shoaib Rasool instead of Muhammad Shoaib Rasool.
CNIC: 37405-1507676-0 instead of 37405-1507676-9

Kindly confirm whether the record has now been updated or forward my request to the insurance company for the necessary amendments and issue me a new card. Your early response would be appreciated.
_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Muhammad201]

Thanks you so much, Sir.......!!!!

[Muhammad201]

Sir, above letter is 100% correct. because that letter will write to HR.

[Muhammad201]

covering letter:
I want to email to different client for their submitting documents but that must attach covering letter of the same.
anybody help me, how i write the letter to client for sending documents along with covering...in next time.

...................