My reply to a business email

[velectro]

Hello,

I don't know if this is the right forum for this request, anyway I would appreciate a discussion about this 2° business mail that I write because I hadn't recived a reply to my first, in wich I proposed some phone meeting suitable dates.

[Mister Micawber]

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Hello Vincenzo. I can fix your email (see below), but I think that your original is understandable, and there may be some other reason for no confirmation-- perhaps the wrong address? Or the recipient is out of town or no longer interested?

In any case, corrections:

Dear xxx,

With reference to my mail “Re: xxx” of May 1st, I haven’t received a response, so I apologize if the proposed date for the phone appointment was too imminent.

Now I’m writing to propose new suitable dates over the next two weeks:

- from 4th to 12th May would be suitable to have a phone conversation from 12:00 noon (Cambridge time).
- from 14th to 19th May would be suitable from 1:00 p.m. (Cambridge time).

If you wish, I could call you during an evening in the next two weeks instead.

Could you please confirm receipt of this message? I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Vincenzo xxx
.
_________________
Canadian-American native speaker
who teaches English for a living at Mister Micawber's
ESL cafe: Interview with Mr. Micawber

[lost_soul]

Hi, Mister Micawber

[Mister Micawber]

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It is more polite and businesslike.
.
_________________
Canadian-American native speaker
who teaches English for a living at Mister Micawber's
ESL cafe: Interview with Mr. Micawber

[velectro]

Thanks,
Dear Mr. Micawber, please let me know if I can do this type of new thread, I think that is important to learn how to write business mail, refering to TOEIC too.
I'd like to analyze with you the change you made in oreder to improve my writing skills.

1 - I noticed that you use an upper case "With", is a general rule, must I ever use an upper case letter at beginning of a business letter?
2 - Why you change "Then I'm writing" to "Now I'm writing"
3 - Why you use "new suitable dates OVERS"
4 - Why form 12:00 noon and not 12:00 am

Have you any suggest for improve my specific business speak/write skills. Would be really useful for me understand if I'm writing or saying something businesslike or not.

Thanks
Vincenzo
_________________
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Feel free to correct all mistakes in my
post, please.
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[Mister Micawber]

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1 - I noticed that you use an upper case "With", is a general rule, must I ever use an upper case letter at beginning of a business letter? -- Capital letters always begin a sentence.

2 - Why you change "Then I'm writing" to "Now I'm writing" -- You should write as you speak-- in the present moment. If your meaning was 'therefore', then use 'therefore', because 'then' meaning 'as a consequence' does not begin a sentence; it is ambiguous in that position.

3 - Why you use "new suitable dates OVERS" -- I used 'over', which means 'in the course of; during'.

4 - Why form 12:00 noon and not 12:00 am -- 'AM' and 'PM' are confusing at best and meaningless as well when applied to exactly 12:00. Always use 'noon' and 'midnight'-- especially when communicating globally. I frankly do not care for anyone else's opinion on this point; 'midnight' and 'noon' are the only unequivocal forms, and should always be used.

Generally, to appear businesslike: avoid contractions, phrasal verbs and slang. There are other cautions too numerous to mention.
.
_________________
Canadian-American native speaker
who teaches English for a living at Mister Micawber's
ESL cafe: Interview with Mr. Micawber