TOEFL® Essay: When people succeed it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing...

[Bubblysang]

Hie Alan,

thank you soo much for reviewing my esasys and giving your opinion.Im very poor in Grammar and with your suggestions you are helping me a lot.Please review this esay and tell me your opinion.

"When people succed it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success"
Do you agree or disagree with the quatation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

There is a famous saying "Try and try and you will succeed".I do agree with this statement that trying harder we gain success and that our success depends on hard work.In my opinion people who do hard work have sucess whereas luck has only a minor role in success.

When a person works hard he will suceed.If he/she leaves everything on luck without trying at all then he/she will lose whatever he/she is trying for.When he/she cannot succedd during the first time, he/she tries more harder the second,third and simultaneously till he/she succeed and therefore put in more hard work and gain success.I say luck has only a minor role because if all the success is based on luck then many people have to play with their fate.Once or twice they can be lucky but they cannot have luck all the time.Luck does not favour us all the time.So we should not base everything on luck.Only with hard work we can say if we can succeed in a particular field or not.After trying many times and there is still no success then the person can change his field and try harder in that field.Maybe he/she can succeed in the other field basing on his/her hardwork.

For instance take for example a painter,if he/she does not get a perfect painting in his/her first work then he/she has to face criticism and booes from teh people.But he does not give up.He/she takes all the criticism to their advantage and encourages himself more and tries and tries until he/she gets a perfect painting.He/she does not give up his/her profession as a painter.So he/she worked hard till he/she gained teh hearts of the critics and the people whoever saw the painting therefore gaining fame and success.Because of his/her hardwork he/she could succeed and not because of luck.If he/she left everthing on luck and leave the painting he/she did he would not achieve success.

Therefore in my opinion hard work is the major backbone for success and luck has only a minor role in gaining success.

i really did not know what to write.Thank you.

[Alan]

There is a famous saying "Try and try and you will succeed".I do agree with this statement that trying harder we gain success and that our success depends on hard work.In my opinion people who do hard work have suCcess whereas luck has only a minor role in success.
When a person works hard, he will suceed.If he/she leaves everything TO luck without trying at all then he/she will lose whatever he/she is trying for.When he/she cannot succeEd during the first time, he/she tries harder the second,third and simultaneously till he/she succeedS and therefore putS in more hard work and gainS success.I say luck has only a minor role because if all the success is based on luck then many people have to play with their fate.Once or twice they can be lucky but they cannot have luck all the time.Luck does not favour us all the time.So we should not base everything on luck.Only with hard work can WE say WHETHER we can succeed in a particular field or not.After trying many times and there is still no success then the person can change his field and try harder in that field.Maybe he/she can succeed in ANother field basED on his/her hardwork.
For instance take for example a painter,if he/she does not get a perfect painting in his/her first work then he/she has to face criticism and boos from OTHER people.But he does not give up.He/she takes all the criticism to their advantage and encourages himself more and tries and tries until he/she gets a perfect painting.He/she does not give up his/her profession as a painter.So he/she worked hard till he/she gained THE hearts of the critics and the people whoever saw the painting therefore gaining fame and success.Because of his/her hardwork he/she could succeed and not because of luck.If he/she left everthing TO luck and LEFT the painting he/she did he would not achieve success.
Therefore in my opinion hard work is the major backbone for success and luck has only a minor role in gaining success.

The construction 'he/she' repeated again and again is very awkward. Either use 'she' throughout or 'he' throughout. You can of course use 'they' as an impersonal pronoun.

Alan
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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Well, Hello!

[Torsten]

Hi bubblysang,

In addition to Alan's suggestions you should read How to use a spell checker because this skill might come in handy if you want to study in the US which I suppose you do?
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