TOEFL® essay writing: An important world leader

[Leuleu]

Leaders like John F. Kennedy and Martin Lurther King have made important contributions to the people of the US. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice.

Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam

Born in an intellectual family in Nghe An, a central province of Vietnam, in 1890, Ho Chi Minh, soon had a deep sympathy for his poor nationals who were under the ruling yoke of the French colonialism. And actually, for nearly 50 years devoting his whole life to national-liberation revolutionary career of Vietnam, he left the image of an excellent leader in the world. He was officially recognized a “great man of culture” by the UNESCO on his 100th birthday anniversary in 1990.
He is one of the most enthusiastic men contributed to the nation and the people of Vietnam. Until 1945, after big efforts of establishing and operating the Vietnamese Communist Party (the sole ruling party in Vietnam), Ho Chi Minh became the first Prime Minister (1946-1955) and later the first President (1955-1969) of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam, which was declared to be independent from the first National Day anniversary at the Ba Dinh Square, Hanoi on September 2, 1945. During the Second Indochina War, also known as the Vietnam War, he drove the revolutionary ship as the top leader that defeated French Empire in 1954 and the Vietnam Republic's government and its alliance later in 1975.
Although dying in 1969, 6 years prior to the ending of the war, for Vietnamese, he is always considered the greatest contributor to the victory. They want to constantly remember him as the one who helped make Vietnam an independent and united territory, making all the civilians free from slavery yoke and live a peaceful and happy life. The success of the Vietnamese Revolution, moreover, created inspiration and power for the other colonies at that time to win in their fight for national liberation.
According to his living and working style like a mirror of simplicity and nobleness, for most Vietnamese people, he is always a great person in their heart. And in my view, Ho Chi Minh is worthy of being named in the company of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King as a world leader who made an important contribution to humanity.

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That would be nice of you to check the essay, Alan. Thanks in advance.

[Alan]

Born in an intellectual family in Nghe An, a central province of Vietnam, in 1890, Ho Chi Minh, soon had a deep sympathy for his poor nationals who were under the ruling yoke of the French colonialism. And actually, for nearly 50 years devoting his whole life to A national-liberation revolutionary career of Vietnam, he left the image of an excellent leader in the world. He was officially recognized a “great man of culture” by UNESCO on his 100th birthday anniversary in 1990.
He is one of the most enthusiastic men WHO contributed to the nation and the people of Vietnam. Until 1945, after big efforts AT establishing and operating the Vietnamese Communist Party (the sole ruling party in Vietnam), Ho Chi Minh became the first Prime Minister (1946-1955) and later the first President (1955-1969) of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam, which was declared to be independent from the first National Day anniversary at Ba Dinh Square, Hanoi on September 2, 1945. During the Second Indochina War, also known as the Vietnam War, he drove the revolutionary ship as the top leader that defeated THE French Empire in 1954 and THE VietnamESE Republic government and its alliance later in 1975.
Although dying in 1969, 6 years prior to the ending of the war, for THE Vietnamese, he is always considered the greatest contributor to the victory. They want to constantly remember him as the one who helped make Vietnam an independent and united territory, making all the civilians free from THE YOKE OF slavery SO THAT THEY COULD live a peaceful and happy life. The success of the Vietnamese Revolution, moreover, created inspiration and power for the other colonies at that time to win in their fight for national liberation.
According to his living and working style like a mirror of simplicity and nobleness, for most Vietnamese people, he is always a great person in their heart. And in my view, Ho Chi Minh is worthy of being named in the company of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King as a world leader who made an important contribution to humanity.

Alan

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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Phrasal Verbs/go

[Leuleu]

Thank you very much, Alan.
By the way, can you tell me how native-English speaking people like you recognise the using of the articles 'the' or 'a' in a specific situation?
Because it appears to me that I have some problems with my use of articles.

[Derfer]

Leaders like John F. Kennedy and Martin Lurther King have made important contributions to the people of the US. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice.

A country is a set of people who have the same goals and want to grow together. The United States is a country that unfortunately has suffered many attacks. Also, The United States had the responsibility to protect the world from terrorism. All the citizens of The United States accept those responsibilities; however, there were persons who were able to carry out the leadership of those events. I consider that one of the most important leaders of The United States was George Bush.

The United States has received a lot of attacks. I am strongly sure that the most principal attack of the American history was the attack to the World Trade Center on September 11th. The magnitude of this attack was terrible, there were a lot of deaths, there were countless economic lost, and there was the belief that The United States was without protection. A leader who was able to solve and prevent these problems was highly required.

After the terrorist attacks to The United States, Americans realized that The United States has the responsibility to protect the world. Terrorists have a lot of money and very danger arms. Terrorists do not consider the life of anybody because they have killed men, women, children, pregnant women, and even babies. The United States have the most powerful military force of the world. Furthermore, the American soldiers are very conscious with their responsibility, and they are ready to fight in name of the freedom. However, it is necessary to have a person with a lot of abilities to carry out the leadership of these wars.

George Bush is one of the most important leaders of The United States since he is a very special person. At the beginning of his government, he was given several insults. Many people thought that he won the elections only because he was the son of a previous president. But then, he demonstrated that he is a person with a higher sense of responsibility and love to the freedom.