TOEFL® essay sample: What do you think of the music videos nowadays?

[*Delta*]

What do you think of the music videos nowadays ? and dose it really effect our thinking ?

For me, I guess that the media whether it was the T.V or the Internet has opened our eyes on many new things , such as these uncountable sites that their number is increasing daily , and of course the new channels that we find on our T.Vs.

I defenetly agree that these videos has an influnece on all of us , it can effect our minds and let us commite things without even thinking about the concequences , and that's what is called a blind imitation which is unfortunatly very common these days despite of it's blindness. However, am not saying that I don't watch videos myself because I really do watch alot of videos.

Some music videos can easily effect me and capture my thinking to know the end and to keep on watching the rest of the video, this is great in some videos and it shows the abililty of the director to impresion the viewer and catch his curiosity to complete watching until the end of it.

But on the other hand, some music videos may contain a tempting scenes that will chase the youth's thinking and force them to misunderstand things. I think those kind of videos are really ridiculous, and I can't seem to understand the reason why the keep playing them and repeating them over and over again. Thus, there should be major oversight on those channels that shows the unacceptable videos. And also the officials should close the internet sites that offers free videos to viewers. People should take concrete steps to stand against spreading those videos every where.

In conclusion, we should teach the youth how to browse the internet in a useful way and we should also keep an eye on them just to make sure that they don't watch any bad videos. All in all, I totally agree that the music videos are effecting our thoughts and our life in general by it's bad ways of showing things in wrong ways.

[Alan]

For me, I guess that the media whether it IS the T.V or the Internet has opened our eyes TO many new things , such as these uncountable sites WHOSE number is increasing daily , and of course the new channels that we find on our T.Vs.
I defInITetly agree that these videos haVE an influENce on all of us , it can Affect our minds and MAKE us DO things without even thinking about the conSequences , and that's what is called a blind imitation which is unfortunatEly very common these days despite ITS blindness .
However, I am not saying that I don't watch videos myself because I really do watch a lot of videos.
Some music videos can easily Affect me and capture my thinking to know the end and to keep on watching the rest of the video , this is great in some videos and it shows the abililty of the director to impresS the viewer and catch his curiosity to watch until the end of it.
But on the other hand, some music videos may contain tempting scenes that will INFLUENCE the thinking OF YOUNG PEOPLE and force them to misunderstand things .
I think those kindS of videos are really ridiculous , and I can't seem to understand the reason why theY keep playing them and repeating them over and over again .
Thus, there should SOME major RESTRICTION on those channels that show the unacceptable videos .
And also the officials should close the internet sites that offer free videos to viewers .
People should take concrete steps to stand against spreading those videos everywhere .
In conclusion, we should teach YOUNG PEOPLE how to browse the internet in a useful way and we should also keep an eye on them just to make sure that they don't watch any bad videos .
All in all , I totally agree that the music videos are Affecting our thoughts and our life in general by its bad ways of showing things in wrong ways.

Check your spelling and make sure that a singular subject has a singular verb and a plural subject has a plural verb

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Phrasal Verbs/hold

[*Delta*]

thanks a lot
for your time