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English Presentation (for an Examination) EuroCOM



 
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English Presentation (for an Examination) EuroCOM Fri Jan 07, 2005 3:45 am  English Presentation (for an Examination) EuroCOM
 

Hey guys, in three day’s is must do my English Presentation Called “Euro COM” .
I’m very very grateful if you can correct my Presentation a little bit.
The Orthography isn’t so important… Thank you very much,
Christian

Good morning everybody, My name is Christian

I come frome B?hl, a city some min away from here. I visit the P?dagogium since 2 years.
My hobbies are playing Volleyball, working and playing on the Computer and going out with friends.

My parent’s are self-employed in a crystal factory. I have a brother who studies in Karlsruhe.

From August 31st to September 28th 2001 I visited my uncle and aunt in the little town Hampton in Virginia, near Washington D.C..

Today I will talk to you about my journey to America in the time around the September, 11 2001.
I want to tell you a little bit what’s happened and what my experiences.

I have invited my Presentation in three parts. In the first main point I will describe the American Family, the second point is the September 11, 2001. And in the third point I will report about the reaction of the American people.

1. Main point
I have had the luck to live in two American families. At first with my aunt who is married to an American and afterwards that I stayed with their daughter Christine.

I felt completely clearly that no family member has a problem that Christine have married a black American. Together they have 4 race mixed children. So I can say there are no race differences to black peoples.

I have noticed that the religious faith plays a large role for the most American Families.
Very often we went to the church.

The daily life is more loosely than by us. The meals are taken not so regularly as in Germany. The television set is one of the most important electrical devices in the house.

With my aunt I visited many big Shopping Malls. They are unspeakable large also as the holiday parks and the naval port Norfolk with many battleships.

With my Cosine Christine I did a sight-seeing tour in Washington. I saw the White House,
the Washington Monument, Arlington Cemetery and the Pentagon. All this was in the afternoon of September 10th 2001.

2. Main point
On the day after, was the terrible September 11. At 8:45 a.m. a large airliner slams into Tower one at the World Trade Center. At 9:00am the second aircraft crashes into Tower two. A short time later the third airliner crashes into the Pentagon and the fourth fell down near Pittsburgh.

I sat on the terrace as my uncle me called: "It passed a terrible attack”. We sat in front of the television the whole day.

I sent immediately a E-mail to my parents that I am well. They didn’t know on which place I’m on this day in Washington. It was impossible to phone to Germany, because the net was overloaded. Some of my schoolmates sent me a message to ask me how i was and the family.

3. Main point

On the next day the roads had become totally empty. On all the houses and at all cars I saw many Union Jacks. Heavily armed soldiers and policemen were to be seen all over. Even in that shopping center are patrolling security people with heavy weapons. I felt everywhere the fear, confusion and embarrassment of the humans.

My aunt and uncle, who worked at the Military, talk very(?) deliberated about the situation. My aunt explained me the happening again in german language und calmed me down. We were very grateful, that the hole family went well.

For example a friend of my cousin would have been nearly in the World trade center. She had applied weeks before for a place in the World Trade Center, but she didn’t got it.

I was very affected by the Terrorist attack, becouse I was in Washington at the place, where the airplane crashed one day before. But the 5 week’s was very interesting and teachful for me. I got to know another continent with another way of life. Finally I was very happy to land surely again in Frankfurt .
TyCore
New Member


Joined: 07 Jan 2005
Posts: 2

English Presentation (for an Examination) EuroCOM Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:02 am  English Presentation (for an Examination) EuroCOM
 

TyCore wrote:
I have invited my Presentation in three parts. In the first main point I will describe the American Family, the second point is the September 11, 2001. And in the third point I will report about the reaction of the American people.

invited? divided!? divided ... into ...
"first main point" sounds strange to my ears. How about "At first, I will describe ..., then ...; and after that ..."?
"the" sept. 11th -> sept. 11th
Quote:
1. Main point
I have had the luck to live in two American families. At first with my aunt who is married to an American and afterwards that I stayed with their daughter Christine.

"afterwards that" -> "after that" or "afterwards"
Quote:
I felt completely clearly that no family member has a problem that Christine have married a black American. Together they have 4 race mixed children. So I can say there are no race differences to black peoples.

how did you feel? completely clearly? You clearly felt ... or it was obvious to you
have married -> married
peoples -> people (unless you ment to say "races")
Quote:
I have noticed that the religious faith plays a large role for the most American Families.
Very often we went to the church.

"large role" sounds wrong. big/huge role
religious faith -> "christian faith" or simply "religion" or simply "faith"
"the most" -> most
"the church" only if it's one specific church, -> "church" if you think of the general theme of a church
Quote:
The daily life is more loosely than by us. The meals are taken not so regularly as in Germany. The television set is one of the most important electrical devices in the house.

"by us" -> "here (in Germany)"
Quote:
With my aunt I visited many big Shopping Malls. They are unspeakable large also as the holiday parks and the naval port Norfolk with many battleships.

unspeakable -> incredibly
also as -> just like / and so are
Quote:
With my Cosine Christine I did a sight-seeing tour in Washington. I saw the White House,
the Washington Monument, Arlington Cemetery and the Pentagon. All this was in the afternoon of September 10th 2001.

Cosine is a mathematical function, did you mean "cousin"?
"I did a ...", not sure about that. I would rather say "I went on a sight-s..."
Quote:
2. Main point
On the day after, was the terrible September 11. At 8:45 a.m. a large airliner slams into Tower one at the World Trade Center. At 9:00am the second aircraft crashes into Tower two. A short time later the third airliner crashes into the Pentagon and the fourth fell down near Pittsburgh.

slams -> slammed
Tower one at -> Tower one of
crashes -> crashed
Quote:
I sat on the terrace as my uncle me called: "It passed a terrible attack”. We sat in front of the television the whole day.

I sent immediately a E-mail to my parents that I am well. They didn’t know on which place I’m on this day in Washington. It was impossible to phone to Germany, because the net was overloaded. Some of my schoolmates sent me a message to ask me how i was and the family.

"an email"
on which place I'm -> where I were
"a message" -> messages
Quote:
3. Main point

On the next day the roads had become totally empty. On all the houses and at all cars I saw many Union Jacks. Heavily armed soldiers and policemen were to be seen all over. Even in that shopping center are patrolling security people with heavy weapons. I felt everywhere the fear, confusion and embarrassment of the humans.

"are patrolling security people ..." -> security people were patrolling with heavy arms
"Everywhere I could feel ... of the people"
Quote:
My aunt and uncle, who worked at the Military, talk very(?) deliberated about the situation. My aunt explained me the happening again in german language und calmed me down. We were very grateful, that the hole family went well.

went -> was
Quote:
For example a friend of my cousin would have been nearly in the World trade center. She had applied weeks before for a place in the World Trade Center, but she didn’t got it.

weeks -> some weeks
place? Would "job" be more appropriate?
Quote:
I was very affected by the Terrorist attack, becouse I was in Washington at the place, where the airplane crashed one day before. But the 5 week’s was very interesting and teachful for me. I got to know another continent with another way of life. Finally I was very happy to land surely again in Frankfurt .

"... 5 weeks were very ..."
teachful -> instructive?
finally -> eventually
surely -> safely

These are only a few suggestions, certainly not complete and probably not completely correct as I'm not a native speaker. Several expressions would need further revision/redraft. Hope it helps, though.

Stefan
Stefan Seidel
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English Presentation (for an Examination) EuroCOM Fri Jan 07, 2005 11:27 am  English Presentation (for an Examination) EuroCOM
 

Dear Stefan,
thank you so much for your correction. It helps me very much for my presentation "Euro Com" (a part of my examination "Mittlere Reife").

With kindest regards
Christian Posselt
B?hl - Germany
TyCore
New Member


Joined: 07 Jan 2005
Posts: 2

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