TOEFL essay sample: The world leader you admire the most

[Shai]

The world leader I like the most is Gandhi The name "Gandhi" is synonymous with peace and non-violence. His epic struggle to bring together the people of India in their search for sovereignty is unparalleled. This great man's wisdom and foresight are compelling find it incredible that a freedom struggle can be conducted with non-violence. Gandhi espoused non-violence as a potent weapon to achieve fair and moral goals. This man was the epitome of simplicity. Right through the story of his life, to the circumstances of his death, the world watched this great soul with admiration Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.his famous quote While living in South Africa, he studied the works of many religions as well as the literary works of writers such as Tolstoy and Thoreau, which led him to forgo the pursuit of wealth for a life of self-improvement. It was also at that time that he began to experience discrimination and to react to it by organizing peaceful marches, community meetings and boycotts, which often led to his arrest. After returning to India, he created a highly successful system of nonviolent protest to win independence from the British. Using fasting, prayer and a stubborn resolve not to hate the British, his legacy has made a lasting impression on people all over the world. Gandhi believed that, "Hate is the subtlest form of violence. We cannot be really nonviolent and yet have hate in us." As Gandhi taught, we can be powerful and loving. We can speak our personal truth in a way that can spread enlighment.

CAN ANYONE COMMENT ON MY ESSAY AS I AM GOING TO GIVE MY TOEFL EXAM IN AUG 2007?
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SHEEN

[Alan]

Hi,

The world leader I like the most is Gandhi The name "Gandhi" is synonymous with peace and non-violence. His epic struggle to bring together the people of India in their search for sovereignty is unparalleled. This great man's wisdom and foresight are compelling find it incredible that a freedom struggle can be conducted with non-violence. Gandhi espoused non-violence as a potent weapon to achieve fair and moral goals. This man was the epitome of simplicity. Right through the story of his life, to the circumstances of his death, the world watched this great soul with admiration Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.his famous quote While living in South Africa, he studied the works of many religions as well as the literary works of writers such as Tolstoy and Thoreau, which led him to forgo the pursuit of wealth for a life of self-improvement. It was also at that time that he began to experience discrimination and to react to it by organizing peaceful marches, community meetings and boycotts, which often led to his arrest. After returning to India, he created a highly successful system of nonviolent protest to win independence from the British. Using fasting, prayer and a stubborn resolve not to hate the British, his legacy has made a lasting impression on people all over the world. Gandhi believed that, "Hate is the subtlest form of violence. We cannot be really nonviolent and yet have hate in us." As Gandhi taught, we can be powerful and loving. We can speak our personal truth in a way that can spread enlighment.

This is well written. Did you write it?

Alan
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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Reflections

[Shai]

Hello Alan,
Yes I have written this essay but I am reading Gandhi autobiography these days so it’s easy for me to write about him. I want to share that sometimes due to the time constraint in essays & speaking section, I am unable arrange my thought so well. Can you help me?
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SHEEN