 Fri Aug 03, 2007 23:42 pm Intercultural communication is : when a Marsian speaks to a Venusian. |
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Greetings all,
I want to say that "princess" has a very good point about communicating with your head or your heart or both.
That reminds me of the writings of John Gray (California, USA).
His books are famous and I think everybody has heard of them and maybe also read one or two.
The most famous is - "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".
http://www.amazon.com/Mars-Women-Venus-Communication-Relationships/dp/006016848X
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_Are_from_Mars,_Women_Are_from_Venus
I must say John Gray really has done a remarkably fine job in analysis and solving problems of misunderstandings
in the communication between men & women. He deserves a medal.
If every man & woman followed the man?s advice, I think the divorce rate would decrease drastically.
He would then deserve a Noble Peace Prize in the war between the sexes.
John Gray said there are 12 Qualities and Expectations or Needs that have to be fulfilled before a man or women can open up like a flower and harmony and real communication can take place.
There are six 6 needs for the women which only a man can fulfill and there are six 6 needs for the man which only the women can fulfill.
When these six 6 needs are continually fulfilled on both sides then an enduring partnership is guaranteed.
He also said, all these needs are definitely fulfilled on both sides when a couple first "fall in love".
After a few months of constant recipricol care and attention each partner becomes comfortable, cosy & secure but sometimes lazy and inattentive because of work and social demands.
Then, fulfilling the essential 12 needs for the relationship become secondary and get neglected.
Soon, life become monotonous and looses it?s zing and excitement.
If say, three 3 of the said needs are fulfilled on both sides and another three 3 get neglected, of course the relationship will hold together but unsatifactorily.
A relationship can be judged or understood in proportion to the needs which ARE fulfilled and those which ARE NOT.
You?ll have to read his books.
What the man has discovered quite simply is that a man and the women speak exactly the same language but the words are interpreted differently because of different cultural meanings.
Man culture and women culture.
Culture is basically how you deal with the world.
Your subconcious minds own programme (of experiences) or software.
He says for example :
When a man has a problem to solve he will retreat into his thoughts and his workshop and not want to talk about it at all.
He may watch television or read a newspaper but thats just a protection screen.
He?s really still churning the problem over in his mind until he finds a solution.
Then he will come out of his cave and start talking again, feeling good about himself, with a clear head and ready to talk to his women.
She will then be insulted that he didn?t share the problem with her and didn?t ask for her help or opinion.
Men don?t ask for help ... that?s would be a sign of a lack of competence.
When a women has a problem to solve she will not retreat but do the exact opposite and start talking about all kinds of things.
Discussing and analysing herself, and everything else running the gemut of emotions but she doesn?t really need a solution.
The more see talks the better she feels. After shes finished talking the problem doesn?t seem like a problem anymore and a solution finds its way to the surface. Everything has taken on a new perspective and life is rosy again.
The man usually keeps offering solutions but the women gets insulted.
She doen?t want a solution. Talking about it is the solution which gets to the solution.
Then, the man gets pissed off and goes down the pub leaving the women to talk to herself or call her neighbour.
You can now understand what happens when a couple have a problem to solve.
She wants to talk about it and he wants to be silent and think.
He wants to find the solution alone and she wants it shared.
There is a lot more to this scenario as you can imagine ... a hell of a lot more ...
but the UNDERSTANDING of the workings of them both - man & women - changes the situation dramatically from "a (saloon) bar room brawl" into "a walk in the park on a sunny afternoon".
This, now brings me back to the cross-cultural problems between two countries.
When two companies from two totally different countries start working together there is also an "in love" or "honeymoon" phase at the beginning.
They go through similar symptoms or highs and lows as in any man / women relationship and just like the 12 needs described by John Gray at some point they will also become neglected in part.
Then dissatisfaction and misunderstandings begin.
On the surface, just like the man / women, they speak the same language most of the time.
So long as the 12 essential needs are mutally fulfilled then harmony will exist.
When a real problem or threat arises then each will retreat to their own culture to deal with it.
With the man and women, he want?s to think it through alone but she wants to talk.
With two companies, say it this case; the American and German.
Then, maybe the Americans are more extrovert and want to talk about it but the Germans want to retreat and work it out for themselves.
That?s just an example by the way, but you get the idea?
The way I see it is ; if you are prepared to UNDERSTAND then it can be a walk in the park instead of a bar-room brawl.
If a German doesn?t want to understand and the American does, then that can cause an alien presence.
As in Jamie(K)?s case.
Those scenario?s are real and we are all affected by culture.
The key now, here, is to decide if the people you are working with are genuine or sleepers trying to take over your company and steal your ideas.
If a country?s people has suffered a cultural trauma (War?) from another and both countries peoples find themselves working together some years later, then, you just have to accept the wound and the probable resentment (anger) behind it which only future generations can hope to heal.
If an elitist mentally climbs out of trauma then I would say the best you can do is to accept it and use it as best you can for yourself.
That?s means maybe the elitist does have some better ideas, then let him express them. If they are insulting. Then, as my uncle always said, if you give somebody of that nature enough rope they will hang themselves.
At the end of the day, I think some of the best ways to deal with these cultural difficulties is to genuinely take an interest in the people concerned instead of judging them.
I remember many years ago when I read Dale Carnegies book "How to win friends and influence people", one of the most pertinant statements that stand out in my mind is, "that a man likes to hear his name and talk about himself" also his hobbies, interests, family etc.
That?s how Dale Carnegie got to know and understand people better, especially grouchy unfriendly people who he wanted to sell to.
All people are human and bleed red, and all people are soft under their hard shells. It?s just a shield of protection.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People
http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/win-friends.html
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671723650
At the moment I am suffering cultural withdrawal symptoms. I have been working in West Germany for the past few weeks.
Here, nobody says "Mahlzeit" or shakes hands everyday when you greet them like in East Germany where I lived before.
I am just getting used to the customs and super accent again.
It?s a different sort of social stroking and it?s also quite OK to me.
Very often, in social situations, we have cultural needs that want to be fulfilled.
If they are not fulfilled because the people don?t come from our culture and we can get upset and think they are ignorant.
Then we are paving the way for the bar-room brawl.
If we start with finding out what the others cultural needs are, I think we go a long way to getting our own fulfilled.
Like in a good John Gray - Mars, Venus relationship.
No, I?m not a cross-cultural role model ... but I do have my life experience and I do my best to be considerate.
They are my thoughts for now.
I?ve written a lot, I hope it?s not too much.
Best wishes, Bruce.
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Bruce
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 10 Jun 2004
Posts: 115
Location: Germany
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