Toefl® essay: The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns

[Casonlo]

Hi Alan, kindly give me some comment regarding my essay.

Toefl essay: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reason and examples to supports your answers.

There are many aspects for us to pursue our occupations, such as working environment, chance for advancement, psychological fulfillment and salary. Because of the financial responsibilities, like mortgage of property, car lease and children tuition, and therefore certain people claim that the most important purpose of a job is the money a person earns. However, I personally believe that money is merely one of the aspects of a job; there are actually various aspects for us when considering a job.

In most cases, the amount of salary reflects a person’s status, like work capacity, experience and professional qualification. For instance, many people envy a high-profile defense lawyer earning 150,000 USD per years. Nonetheless, we should not negligent the workload and stress he has to take on, he may require to work 16 hours a day and does not have a holiday. As a result, he would lose a lot of time for his family and friends. Also, constant working would be harmful to his health.

On the other hand, many people would choose their jobs based on the personal interests, working time and a sense of fulfillment. In addition, there are a number of people who are willing to do volunteer jobs. They believe that many aspects, like gathering with family or friends and helping the poor, are more important than earning money. Furthermore, a salary would not be the first priority when we consider how meaningful and worthwhile our jobs are.

Nowadays, people take on more and more financial responsibilities, and virtually the only means of earning money is our jobs. However, many aspects are also important for us, such as our family, friends and healthy, as a result, I personally believe that it is unwise to lose sight of the merits of money because it is not a reasonable consideration to abandon our free time for the purpose of earning money.

[Casonlo]

Dear Alan,
Would you be available to offer my some suggestions about my essay?

Many thanks!

Carey