TOEFL® essay: Should we rely on computer too much? Or we should rely on it more

[Sold05]

TOEFL essay Topic: In the past decades, computer have had a tremendous effect on our society. Some experts state that people are rely upon computers too much. Others believe we should rely on computers even more. Which of these statement do you agree with? Give specific example and support reason for your opinion.

Nowadays the speed of development is increasing very quickly everyday or even every munite especially in scientific technique (từ n?y c? phải l? KHKT ko). Our daily activities are more and more based closely on working of the computer. It’s must be a very necessary device to many people all around the world. But in my opinion we mustn’t depend too much on it.

Computer has opened a new look for everyone about a mordern life. People now can do everything such as communicating, managing their bussiness or even go shoping without going out just by a connected computer beside them. But how can you imagine what would be happened if the computer system of a company or your PC was actacked by virus programme. All of your activities on your computer will be delayed immideately and we can not do anything in this working day. Moreover many very important information was save in the computer may be lost and cannot recover. This would be more serious if this was a secret information and was hacked by a stranger .Every thing maybe solved but with a significant effort of many experts and can take a lot of time.

Beside this aspect I want to mention in a different side, about health problem. If we only sit on the computer all day. How can you imagine what would happen to our life?

We nolonger want to go out for shoping or meeting with many people around me. It’s will make us lazier feel lack of energy. This is very not good for growing children. Sitting all day motionlessly can give us the risk of having many kinds of deseases which are very popular in mordern life such as: eyes problem (mypiotia), obesity, headache, backache. This make our health become worse and worse.

Of course we can be sure that computer is very useful nowadays but we can’t depend too much on it, just make use of it as an effective tool to make our life better and simpler Don’t let it control us. Do you agree with me?

Please correct this essay for me.Thanks so much

[Alan]

Nowadays the speed of development is increasing very quickly everyday or even every munite especially in scientific techniqueS (từ n?y c? phải l? KHKT ko). Our daily activities are more and more based closely on THE working of the computer. It’s must be a very necessary device to many people all around the world. But in my opinion we mustn’t depend too much on it.

THE Computer has opened a new look for everyone about a modern life. People now can do everything such as communicating, managing their business or even go shoPping without going out just by a connected computer beside them. But how can you imagine what would be happened if the computer system of a company or your PC was aTTacked by A virus programme. All of your activities on your computer will be delayed immEdeately and we cannot do anything in this working day. Moreover A LOT OF very important information was saveD On the computer may be lost and cannot BE recoverED. This would be more serious if this was secret information and was hacked INTO by a stranger .Everything may be solved but with a significant AMOUNT OF effort FROM many experts and can take a lot of time.

Beside this aspect I want to mention in a different side, about health A problem. If we only sit AT the computer all day. How can you imagine what would happen to our life?

We no longer want to go out shopPing or meeting with many people around US. It’s will make us lazier AND WE feel A lack of energy. This is not VERY good for growing children. Sitting all day motionless can give us the risk of having many kinds of dIseases which are very COMMON in modern life such as: eyes problem (myOpia), obesity, headache, backache. This makeS our health become worse and worse.

Of course we can be sure that A computer is very useful nowadays but we can’t depend too much on it, just make use of it as an effective tool to make our life better and simpler Don’t let it control us. Do you agree with me?

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story A New Season

[Sold05]

Alan: thanks very much for your correction my essay.

[Torsten]

Hi Sold,

Your essay contains quite a few spelling errors which tells me you have not read this message on how to use a spell checker. People who study at university should be able to spell words like "business" or "modern" correctly, wouldn't you agree?
_________________
Test Of English for International Communication
TOEIC Preparation & TOEIC Vocabulary