TOEFL Essay: In your opinion, what is the most important characteristic...

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In your opinion, what is the most important characteristic (for example, honesty, intelligence, a sense of humor) that a person can have to be successful in life? Use specific reasons and examples from your experience to explain your answer. When you write your answer, you are not limited to the examples listed in the prompt.

People have different ideas of what is the most important characteristic that make them successful. In my opinion, the most important characteristic is intelligence which can lead people to succeed their goals.

It is not easy to be intelligent, although there are many successful intelligent people in our society. Intelligent people who are successful need to obtain many criteria. For example, they need to have the ability to make the right decisions and avoid errors. This ability can be seen in many powerful politicians such as the presidents. If they make the right decision they would be considered successful in taking care of the country. In contrast, if they make the wrong decision they would be considered a failure of managing the country. This also apply to other occupations as well.

Not only, well educated people can be considered smart, but also people that has knowledge from their own experience can be smart. These people are called street smart. For Example, the Apprentice which is a reality TV show had a competition between book smart and street smart groups. At the end the street smart group won many challenges. Furthermore, People that could communicate well, creative and have the ability to express their ideas are also considered smart. They would be able to persuade people and make people do things for them. These abilities are the key to make people successful which need to use intelligence.

In conclusion, I think being intelligent is the key that lead people to be successful. Being intelligent does not necessarily need to be well educated, but it depends on the experience and knowledge of the person.

Please correct this essay for me. In addition, what is the suitable score for this essay?