Very formal business mail

[velectro]

Hi everybody,

I'm writing to an hypothetical office assistant, that I don't know, do you think that is enough formal? Moreover is right?

[Mister Micawber]

.
Dear Ms yyyyy,

Concerning the Milan fair, I would be grateful if you could book a hotel room for me also.

Could you also please let me know if you have news about the status of my notebook and e-mail account?

Kind regards,
_________________
Canadian-American native speaker
who teaches English for a living at Mister Micawber's
ESL cafe: Interview with Mister Micawber

[velectro]

thanks, this correction are really important in order to improve my writing skill.
I the near future I will try to write some essay. What do you think about? Have any other advice about the improving of writing skills?
_________________
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Feel free to correct all mistakes in my
post, please.
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