TOEFL® essay sample: Winning in sports is extremely important

[TranTolinh]

Dear Alan,
I have another essay,and can you help me to check it?

Topic 215:Some people have the attitude that winning in sports is extremely important , while others believe that the opposite is true.Discuss this issue ,in both professional and amateur sports.

Sports is so popular with people .And, a question about whether winning is important has become such a hot topic for many years. In my own views, it can be important to professional people. However, amateurs should not consider it everything. And, believe it or not, winning is really necessary for both when changing the meaning.

To professors , of course, winning is important.Sports is their primary career that gives them an important income for performance, especially when they win.The more wins they get, the more famous they are. Fame is one of reasons that sports organizations and teams want to hire or pay them higher salaries. Also,fame can help them promote in career and have more money to live better.

However, winning should be the only thing to amateurs. There are more things they should concern than just goals. Most importantly, sports is a means of relaxing and reducing stress.People play sports also because they enjoy it. Therefore, they need to play,not need to win.A student said : "playing on a losing team than "sit the bench" on a winning team". Sports gives them chances to be in good health. Moreover,it also brings them chances to learn necessary skills in life, such as co-operation.

However, winning will be important when it is a term to show effort .Coach Lombardi used to say : " Winning isn't everything, but striving to win is".How much effort they use to score points , lower times, make a kick turn is more important than just a goal. Sports becomes more interesting when people feel comfortable after trying their best. Sports are meaningful when it measures people's strive .

Whether winning is important? Professors ,like other people, have so many things in their life needing money to spend. They surely need wins to boost their incomes. To amateur people, whether goals are important when they can learn a lot of things else from sports?However, for both of them, winning become necessary when its meaning is effort.

Thanks .