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 Mon Sep 24, 2007 16:04 pm Missing children: Should parents be charged? |
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I am just quoting a headline of an article I read in the news.
Recently in Malaysia, a body of an 8-year-old girl who had been missing for a month was found. She was delivered in a sports bag, in a foetus position, naked.There is no other way to put this more delicately but the autopsy confirmed she was sexually abused, with cucumber and brinjal stuffed in her private parts.
I know, this makes our hair stand on end. We recoil at the thought of how easily it could have been our little ones.
When I first heard it from my mother I almost dropped the phone, shrinking, closing my ears, holding my stomach I told my mother to stop describing the details to me. I cannot imagine how the child had gone through all that and I cannot imagine how the mother is coping to live, to stay sane.And when I first heard the news one month ago, my thought was “Why on earth did the parents let her go to the night market alone?”
Later, I learnt that the girl had slipped off while the parents were entertaining guests.
She is Nurin Jazlin Jazimin, a Standard 2 primary school pupil in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
You can read more about Nurin in this blogspot dedicated to her.
http://nurinjazlin.blogspot.com/
You can see how beautiful the child was and it really boggles the mind how a person can do this to her.
Now, in Malaysia a minister said that her parents could be hauled up for negligence but the public disagreed because there is no clear definition of negligence.
Parents, I believe, try their best to ensure the safety of their children. But sometimes for a child, the sense of adventure and curiosity overrides any other considerations. Plus, children are too small to understand and know that people can hurt them.
In this case, Nurin went to the night market alone after been told by the parents to always go in pairs. I can totally relate to this, when I was in Standard 5 or 6, I always slipped off to the mall or the public pool without my mother’s knowledge (We used to have a driver and I just ordered him around). I still do it even after the spanking of my life.
Parents try but most of the time, children just don't listen.
And as I understand it, there is definitely a law for negligent parents but many are unaware of it existence merely it has never been enforced before.(Know that child abuse, abandonment and sexual abuse are separate offences) Also, many think that parents should be educated not dragged to court.
For a family who lives in a big and DANGEROUS town such as Kuala Lumpur, I would say that Nurin’s parents were rather loose in their children’s safety. I live in a small town but my parents are like crazy people when it comes to our safety. I first rode the bus when I was 18 and that was like WOW, for my parents (And that was after I begged them to let me ride with my friends, it was like riding a merry-go-round for me).
But then, people have different ways of bringing up their children. There are no definite right or wrong ways.
Some very strict and a bit “paranoid” parents like mine (they are not bad people, things that had happened to other people made them extra careful) realized in the end that they cannot shelter us forever. In my case, my parents had to eventually let go. Now I am thousand of miles away and all they can do is forever reminding me to be careful and pray for my safety.
Here, I think the public can make all the difference. If we see a child venturing alone, we should at least be alerted. If we see a child in distress, we should go ask why and make sure everything is okay with him/her.
If somebody had been sensitive enough to see that Nurin was being lured by stranger, things could have been different.
Nevertheless, parents should always know the whereabouts of their children.
“Where are you now? Does your mother know where you are?” were the common questions my father asked me on the phone (there was a part of my life he was always away and it will be miracle if I can see him once or twice in a month). I hated it but now I am doing the same thing to my baby sister, thousand of miles away. I know I cannot shelter her forever but there is no harm in trying to do so and somehow it alerts her that the world is not a safe place and molesters and kidnappers are lurking at every corner.
At least that is what I learnt. Even though Japan is a very safe place, when I walk alone in dark places or secluded areas, I am still careful. This is not uncommon, women can walk alone at 2 or 3 in the morning alone here and nothing happens to them. Whereas in Malaysia, I guarantee you, I will be found in the bush or something like that the next morning.
We cannot control many things in our lives and we most certainly cannot control bad people so not to harm us but we can and not provide the opportunity.
We have failed to understand why people do bad things because many times, people want to harm you not because of something you have done wrong but there was simply an opportunity for them to do so. The best thing is not to provide them with any.
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NinaZara
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
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Location: Japan
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| Tue Sep 25, 2007 6:47 am Missing children: Should parents be charged? |
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| Quote: | | Recently in Malaysia, a body of an 8-year-old girl who had been missing for a month was found. She was delivered in a sports bag, in a foetus position, naked.There is no other way to put this more delicately but the autopsy confirmed she was sexually abused, with cucumber and brinjal stuffed in her private parts. |
I started to be dumbfounded after reading this paragraph. How could a person be so cruel? She was only an 8-year-old innocent girl! Actually, it's even deadly astounding that she was put in death this way. It doesn't mean that I've never heard of it before. I have! There have ever been a few cases that small girls were molested!
I vicariously feel the parents of the girl couldn't really stand it because nobody feels like it happening to their children.
| Quote: | | And as I understand it, there is definitely a law for negligent parents but many are unaware of it existence merely it has never been enforced before.(Know that child abuse, abandonment and sexual abuse are separate offences) Also, many think that parents should be educated not dragged to court. |
I believe these parents have suffered enough from the death of their daughter. The crux is what they have to do next is to be alert about this circumstance and the media have to inform people about all the molesters/abusers out there.
| Quote: | | “Where are you now? Does your mother know where you are?” were the common questions my father asked me on the phone (there was a part of my life he was always away and it will be miracle if I can see him once or twice in a month). I hated it but now I am doing the same thing to my baby sister, thousand of miles away. I know I cannot shelter her forever but there is no harm in trying to do so and somehow it alerts her that the world is not a safe place and molesters and kidnappers are lurking at every corner. |
This is a good social role we have to help our society by being of some help this way. Once my sisters met a little girl carrying something. Perhaps, she's a vendor. After some questions, we knew that she got lost. God! We told her the way and hopefully she reached her home.
"When I was a little girl, my parents didn't know there were such people on the earth too. That's sad." I guess this is what a small victim can say.
| Quote: | | We have failed to understand why people do bad things because many times, people want to harm you not because of something you have done wrong but there was simply an opportunity for them to do so. The best thing is not to provide them with any. |
Actually, I have! I have thought that all the people are naturally good despite all the things they do. However, this isn't the case in this point. I do agree with you that it's simply an opportunity for bad people to do such a crappy thing. "The bad can harm other people because the good don't do something." |
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Nicholas
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 08 Aug 2007
Posts: 181
Location: somewhere on the earth
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| Wed Sep 26, 2007 17:07 pm Missing children: Should parents be charged? |
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| Nicholas wrote: | I started to be dumbfounded after reading this paragraph. How could a person be so cruel? She was only an 8-year-old innocent girl! Actually, it's even deadly astounding that she was put in death this way. It doesn't mean that I've never heard of it before. I have! There have ever been a few cases that small girls were molested!
I vicariously feel the parents of the girl couldn't really stand it because nobody feels like it happening to their children. |
This isn’t the first time I heard about this horrible story either. It is just my greatest regret that I cannot do anything about it. But I think I or we can start at home.
| Nicholas wrote: | | I believe these parents have suffered enough from the death of their daughter. The crux is what they have to do next is to be alert about this circumstance and the media have to inform people about all the molesters/abusers out there. |
True, most of the time losing the child is punishment enough, more than enough to me. This is the only time I start questioning God. I know it is blasphemous and I know things do not work that way. God is the most merciful, so I think I got that covered. And for someone who believes in God, I always settle to “this is another test from God”, as my father always says to me, “What good is faith, if it cannot be tested?”
This could be a gigantic test from God for Nurin’s family. .
| Nicholas wrote: | | This is a good social role we have to help our society by being of some help this way. Once my sisters met a little girl carrying something. Perhaps, she's a vendor. After some questions, we knew that she got lost. God! We told her the way and hopefully she reached her home. |
If only I can hug and console her! She must be really terrified. I remember the time when my baby sister was lost at a hypermarket. I can actually feel the blood draining from my face. She was only 5 and she was very, very small! She reported herself to a cashier and then came the announcement. She didn't know her real name(too long) so when the announcement was made, we heard a child named "Kim-Kim" was found and we went to pick her at the "lost child found" counter. I hugged her the moment I reached her but after that I felt like strangling her! But now we laughed at the experience and we teased her about it, actually we are still astounded that she was smart enough to report herself lost!
And I never like seeing children selling things, it really breaks the heart. When other children are playing and having fun, they have to endure the sun to help their parents. And hearing about all those crime nowadays, I cannot imagine how exposed they are to all sorts of evil!
But children who experienced all this mature at a very young age, that is good, right?
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| Nicholas wrote: | | NinaZara wrote: | | We have failed to understand why people do bad things because many times, people want to harm you not because of something you have done wrong but there was simply an opportunity for them to do so. The best thing is not to provide them with any. |
Actually, I have! I have thought that all the people are naturally good despite all the things they do. However, this isn't the case in this point. I do agree with you that it's simply an opportunity for bad people to do such a crappy thing. "The bad can harm other people because the good don't do something. |
I did not mean only for bad people. What I meant to say was, when there is an opportunity, anybody, good or bad, can possibly harm you. I first learnt the term “crime of opportunity” while watching an American TV series CSI: Crime Scene Investigation a few years ago. I was watching it with my father and because I didn’t get what Grissom (played by William Peterson) was saying at that time, I asked my father what he meant by “crime of opportunity”? As my father explained, it means the crime was committed not because of a particular or an explicable factor, but because there was simply an opportunity.
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NinaZara
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
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Location: Japan
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| Fri Sep 28, 2007 7:20 am Missing children: Should parents be charged? |
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| Quote: | | True, most of the time losing the child is punishment enough, more than enough to me. This is the only time I start questioning God. I know it is blasphemous and I know things do not work that way. God is the most merciful, so I think I got that covered. And for someone who believes in God, I always settle to “this is another test from God”, as my father always says to me, “What good is faith, if it cannot be tested?” |
Sometimes when we can't control things by ourselves, we turn to God for help. Like my mother. Or like me. We need God for reassurance that such sad things can happen and there's not a day death can be stopped from penetrating someone's door.
| Quote: | | If only I can hug and console her! She must be really terrified. I remember the time when my baby sister was lost at a hypermarket. I can actually feel the blood draining from my face. She was only 5 and she was very, very small! She reported herself to a cashier and then came the announcement. She didn't know her real name(too long) so when the announcement was made, we heard a child named "Kim-Kim" was found and we went to pick her at the "lost child found" counter. I hugged her the moment I reached her but after that I felt like strangling her! But now we laughed at the experience and we teased her about it, actually we are still astounded that she was smart enough to report herself lost! |
It's very smart of your sister to have been able to report to cashier. 
| Quote: | And I never like seeing children selling things, it really breaks the heart. When other children are playing and having fun, they have to endure the sun to help their parents. And hearing about all those crime nowadays, I cannot imagine how exposed they are to all sorts of evil!
But children who experienced all this mature at a very young age, that is good, right? |
I never support having children work under back-breaking conditions. However, a lot of them from some countries, my country included, have to endure all kinds of crappy work like scavenging all through day, only to get one or two dollars. I really want to question whose responsiblity it is when children fall into labour at a tender age. Even worse, they can be sold into prostitution or excessive labour force, where they are used like they are fully grown-up.
Personally, I think that children, at their age, need some fun. Children whom I call 'abnormal' because of their earlier maturity are children too. They are just like other children but their ealier maturity makes other people/children stay away from them. They start to behave as mature people. At one stage, they will feel lonely and start to feel bad about themselves. They will come to terms with it. In this point, I don't consider it good or bad. When I was a child, I was really glad and now I'm glad because I didn't strangely skip my childhood. I hope to see other children reap their childhood very well. It's best for children to enjoy their childhood. Also, children can be taught to work and learn, but they mustn't be forced into labour.
| Quote: | | I did not mean only for bad people. What I meant to say was, when there is an opportunity, anybody, good or bad, can possibly harm you. I first learnt the term “crime of opportunity” while watching an American TV series CSI: Crime Scene Investigation a few years ago. I was watching it with my father and because I didn’t get what Grissom (played by William Peterson) was saying at that time, I asked my father what he meant by “crime of opportunity”? As my father explained, it means the crime was committed not because of a particular or an explicable factor, but because there was simply an opportunity. |
This sounds logical, Nina. I've heard of this. So I conceive that there are two cases out of this. Usually, people who harm others are considered as bad people because they do bad things. But there are cases that happen because good people have no choice but do something illegal/bad too. So I learn this new thing "crime of opportunity". Yeah, I've ever watched some movies which feature this sort of thing. Now it reminds me of my question I've hidden in my hind. What has caused anybody bad, particularly good to commit a crime of opportunity? I've not clear about this. People tell me it's because of the 'circumstance'. But I don't understand if it's the circumstance/situation that forces someone good to do something they consider bad. Why can't good people take a firm stance to be always good? |
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Nicholas
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 08 Aug 2007
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Location: somewhere on the earth
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| Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:36 am Missing children: Should parents be charged? |
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[quote="Nicholas"] | Quote: | | Why can't good people take a firm stance to be always good? |
What's good? Is it being true to one's principals, to the laws of your religion or country (in a country like i.e. Burma (Myanmar) being "good" does prove difficult) or maybe to something that only you personally define as good, because you think it is a quality inherent in human nature as such? The latter tends to be commonly assumed by most people in Western Civilisations (George W. Bush being the most notorious advocate).
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Ralf
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| Sat Sep 29, 2007 8:04 am Missing children: Should parents be charged? |
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| Ralf wrote: | | Quote: | | Why can't good people take a firm stance to be always good? |
What's good? Is it being true to one's principals, to the laws of your religion or country (in a country like i.e. Burma (Myanmar) being "good" does prove difficult) or maybe to something that only you personally define as good, because you think it is a quality inherent in human nature as such? The latter tends to be commonly assumed by most people in Western Civilisations (George W. Bush being the most notorious advocate). |
What can't good people take a firm stance to be always good?
I can't understand your words, Ralf. 
But I'm just wondering why sometimes good people do something bad, not because they want to do it but as Nina said, because they have an opportunity to do it.
What's good or what's bad? I think it depends on the human nature....If all the people in the world can think of this (don't do to others what you don't want done to you), then there will be no crime of oppportunity. |
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Nicholas
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 08 Aug 2007
Posts: 181
Location: somewhere on the earth
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| Mon Oct 01, 2007 14:27 pm Missing children: Should parents be charged? |
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Nicholas,
Last night ( I haven't read today's news yet) I read that Nurin might be a victim of crime of 'chance'. It was said that Nurin might have been tortured to make porn films for paedophiles. She was lured by an Indonesian woman (a foreign worker) who also fed her during her captivity. A woman! Allah hu rabbi!
So I think crime of 'chance' or opportunity has a reason after all.
Four men (all locals) have been nabbed to help with investigation, one of them was hurt during the process because he struggled. One even had been accused of rape several times before but was released due to lack of evidence.
A lot of Malaysians that I discussed this with would ask "Were their (the four men) foreigners?" Which I think is absurd. Knowing (or not knowing my own people), I am not at all surprised if they were locals.
Something is seriously wrong with my society back in Malaysia.
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NinaZara
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Location: Japan
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| Tue Oct 02, 2007 8:01 am Missing children: Should parents be charged? |
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Hi Nina,
| Quote: | | A lot of Malaysians that I discussed this with would ask "Were their (the four men) foreigners?" Which I think is absurd. Knowing (or not knowing my own people), I am not at all surprised if they were locals. |
People have been bombarded with information or news that only foreigners who come to South East Asia do that kind of thing. So this has made people's ideas fixed about who are paedophiles or make porn films for paedophiles. I don't know from what they get all these crazy ideas to make porn films out of small kids.
| Quote: | | Something is seriously wrong with my society back in Malaysia. |
Not only in Malaysia, Nina, but also in South East Asia, Japan, Korea...
I want to say, a small crazy goup of people have marred the name of a country which has maintained its morality and goodness...humanity...
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Nicholas
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| How to write an excellent piece of journal? | Can this be true? (shock) |
