TOEFL essay: Some people persue career paths that lead to management positions

[Flaaak]

Question:
Some people persue career paths that lead to management positions. Other people follow career paths that leading to positions of individual responsibility which do not involve managing others. Which career paths are you more likely to follow? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Answer:
"Money buys happiness", even though i don't agree with that, i agree with the fact that now a days everyone needs money to obtain the things they need and to make things in a way, easier to them. Even though the positions with individual responsibility have it's pros like not having so much to take care of like a whole company, i would rather to follow a career to lead management positions. For me, a career that in the future could give me the option to be a chief, and manage a company, a hospital, or a big business is the best for several reasons. As i said at the begining people need money, and being able to run a bussines is the best way to get it. First, the owner of the company or the manager of that business, gets the best profits that the company brings.Also, you get to decide how many time you'll expend working, you decide the way your work is going to go, and the way people should work and should do everything to things fuction the way you want it. And very important: you don't have to depend on anyone that bosses you.

So, even tough managing also brings more responsabilitys, more things to worry about,probably more effort needed to apply, and if you get a lot of money from your work, to expose yourself and your family to be harmed and persecuded, being able to be your own cheif gives you the opportunity to get more money for supporting your family and giving them everything they need and more, and of course, being able to get more things you want , luxires that not everyone can have, travel, meet the world, and being able to buy the best things is also very important for personal achivement.

I admit i wasn't really foccused on this but is the only one i got to copy to put it here, what do you think? thank you! My test is tomorrowwwwww ahhh!